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The Day You Read Your Own Obituary

Contributed by abnormalpunk on Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 11:05:17 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles



dead are you in my eyes my son
i hate everything you have ever done

ashamed of you i am
to kill you id do anything i can

forgotten you are in my heart
i want to tear you world apart

desposition of you i have
i release you from my grasp

no longer are you my child
you are a beast, dangerous and wild

disgraceful are your ways
i pray they are short, all of your days

suicide should be your goal
youre just a part to me, never whole

murder is what i wish i could
death is what i think you should

consider to yourself at night
kill yourself, make us feel right

fallen from the righteous path
i hate you, just do the math

you never know what i think of you
just hide yourself and stop trying to bloom

a splinter in my side is what you are
in my eyes you'll never get far




Copyright © abnormalpunk ... [ 2004-08-16 23:05:17]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 11:45:59 PM AEST
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Hmmm.....


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by Lessa on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 02:07:59 AM AEST
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wow, thats not very nice to say to yourself or to have anyone say to u, but this poem certinly gets the feeling across as if they were saying it to u , so very good poem but a very sad feeling


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 04:30:54 AM AEST
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Oh my god... this is soo....emotional it is.. i was in shock. This is a very deep things to be said about someone. Good write really powerful.



Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by jkpunk13 on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:48:52 AM AEST
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wow that holds power, i liked it


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 01:47:21 PM AEST
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That left me feeling uncomfortable. A very strong write. I can't imagine what would have been done to hear words of such malignancy from a parent. I prey I never will.

Nazmythian ~


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 05:08:05 PM AEST
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this was very good indeed almost had an emocore sound to it and I could imagine it being sung. Very well written.

Bobo (Joel)


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by saveMEfromMYSELF on Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 06:51:19 PM AEST
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***sympathy waves*** At least you have a father. just be glad you do. i would give anything to have a father that hates me than a father that's dead. you may think im nuts, but i truly would


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by jonbalser on Thursday, 26th August 2004 @ 11:25:48 PM AEST
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really i liked your poem, very well written, and everyone is right, it would be hard to handle such harsh words being spoken to you, well you told me to leave a comment, so get back to me , later


Re: The Day You Read Your Own Obituary (User Rating: 1 )
by Flipped_out on Sunday, 29th August 2004 @ 02:52:37 AM AEST
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God Jeremy, this is heartfelt and a powerful write...

can i say I felt the way the wods where written may benefit from a more real speech term.. your way , in this poem, sounds a little bit like Yoda. I truly don't mean to be rude...The angst to me sounds like this was once a real convo

for example you write

ashamed of you i am
to kill you id do anything i can

forgotten you are in my heart
i want to tear you world apart

try
" ashamed of you? you bet I am"
"Id kill you son, with my bare hands"

I cleanse my heart you are forgotten
while you're alive my heart feel rotten

God ..I hope it is ok to do this... my words are not meant to be better...just trying to show you what i mean from real term conversation...just an example, not a correction

I honestly love this Punk..keep writing with such emotion..you are talented

Kell




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