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Observing
Contributed by
unforgiven
on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 03:46:06 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Can't stand to watch you,
Your arm around her shoulders.
The way you smile at her,
She always beams back.
And when you kiss her lips,
I can feel my heart break.
Your fingers in her hair,
My mascara running with tears.
You pass me but don't look,
I'm invisible to you.
I'm sorry for my past mistakes,
I want to feel your lips again.
Trading places with her,
Stop me from this torture.
Can't stand the thought of her and you,
It signals the end of you and me,
Don't want to be an observer any more.
Copyright ©
unforgiven
... [
2004-08-16 03:46:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by inertia on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 03:53:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i totally feel you. very sad. as far as the poem goes i think it's usually difficult to capture sadness in a poem without using cliches or anything like that, but, you did just that being very simple and saying what you mean with the words that were needed....good work, i look forward to seeing some more of your work. |
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Pyrofungus on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 07:16:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow...you did a really good job...so sad...made me think of my ex boyfriend's ex girlfriend...and me....
please comment on my work too
summer |
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 28th September 2004 @ 08:13:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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So poignant and intense in its pain. I love the line about trading places with her. Very nice stuff.
Stitch |
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by a_bear on
Tuesday, 28th September 2004 @ 09:36:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I read this last...I like it best. verry good. heart breaking.
I can feel begging in this... |
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Delusions on
Wednesday, 29th September 2004 @ 08:30:31 PM AEST
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| love it love it love it! the topic of many of my poems at the moment tho i dont know why!!! i know how it feels to be the observer tho... and it hurts... watchin it all go by... knowin noone can feel the pian u feel... knowin that even if they knew they probably couldnt undastand completely!!! Sucks aye!!!! i love you hunni bunchs!!!! awsome write ~cRuNcHiE~ xoxox |
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Re: Observing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 10:11:47 PM AEST
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| If this is your first posting I hope you write more as you did a nice job describing how you felt.Very sad.Many of us have gone through relationships like this.Good job writing. Post more will you ? : ) |
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