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Bad Dream or Was It
Contributed by
Doriens_Picture
on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 07:36:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I lie here in weakness looking out at the world
As I watch the summer’s sun kill the snow
I remember how cold it was the night you left
It was a fully covered starry night with no moon in sight
We both were blanketed trying to stay warm
It was all so beautiful and almost perfect and then
You told me some things that I could not believe
It’s left me some what confused and numb
Then I heard the words again as clear as any crystal “I met someone else”
I screamed, called you names and almost hit you
I held back and then I just jumped off the roof
I landed on my car and I thought I broke my leg
I got in my car and drove away I was so mad I ran into a tree
I died there and then and doesn’t that suck for you
Copyright ©
Doriens_Picture
... [
2004-08-11 19:36:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bad Dream or Was It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dierna on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 09:11:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Not the best, it could've been a lot better. It's not real believeable, I would've added in a lot more details, but the idea is a good one! ^_^ |
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Re: Bad Dream or Was It
(User Rating: 1 )
by KiLin on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 10:01:54 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I agree, it could have been alot more. |
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Re: Bad Dream or Was It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Adonia_Donata on
Friday, 1st October 2004 @ 09:30:36 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I like the twist at the end, the unexpectedness, but a few details would help ease into it. |
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