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one night stand
Contributed by
darkplaidbabe
on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 09:54:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Your lips like wine, warm my throat
They slide down my body, this sweet sin of love begins
The never-ending debate of self-esteem commences again
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
But I cannot deny your sweet diamond eyes
They convince me, we will be together forever
Yes, I’ve heard this before
But truthfully, it only happens in legend and lore.
Will you be on my side?
Through storm and sun ,
Through hate and love,
Through trust and suspicion?
No love, many a man has promised and perished or fled
Oh how many, my love have given oath and are now dead?
No I will not require this
But there is one thing you must do,
Please, do not hurt me, that’s all I ask of you.
Copyright ©
darkplaidbabe
... [
2004-08-10 21:54:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 09:59:11 PM AEST
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Great writing.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by PumpkinPie on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 10:32:37 PM AEST
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Great write,I lived those emotions and thoughts numerous times before.You created beautiful verses that make your piece wonderful to read.I'm looking forward to reading more from you,
PumpkinPie |
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ina on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 11:08:37 PM AEST
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Although there is definetly strong emotion in this piece, I find it more of a letter to a lover rather than a poem. "Your lips like wine"---try avoiding cliche lines like that.
my fav line: "But truthfully, it only happens in legend and lore."
:)
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by mrpeanut64 on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 11:13:22 PM AEST
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| great write, I think you have captured that moment on decision/indecision perfectly |
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 11:32:17 AM AEST
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Nice write.I love the line about
"diamond eyes".
I'm very much an eye person, some people's are hard to resist
steve |
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by jenny21614 on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 11:51:28 AM AEST
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let me tell u, this poem is the story of my last year. being on and off with this one guy, and everytime it starts up again i argue with myself about it and i hate it! but ya kno what? it IS the eyes! great write!
xoxo-jen.
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hakiokusaken on
Thursday, 12th August 2004 @ 02:46:10 AM AEST
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Great poem, it fell together nicely.
The last two lines I can relate to.Id like to hear more of your work.
HAKIOKUSAKEN |
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Re: one night stand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Blackevar on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 08:49:39 AM AEST
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Very vunerable and beautifully honest at the end.
You are an exceptional writer well done!
Blackevar |
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