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Last incision
Contributed by
Dizza_13
on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 12:49:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
You came along and tore this wall down around me,
You thought that I was freed,
But instead I know sit alone and bleed,
No I don’t mind keeping this hidden inside me,
After all you wanted to do a good deed.
I shunned you down, pushed you away,
Didn’t even listen to what you had to say,
I acted like I didn’t care,
I tore your heart out and stole your flare,
For this pain I injected to your life,
I turned around and used the knife.
At first it was my arms I score,
Then that just became a boar,
So I thought I’d try something new,
In honour of all I did to you,
I moved the blade down to my writs,
And sliced and hacked with clenched fists,
Then the blood was running fast,
And that cut was my last.
Funeral day came by,
And a sat and watched from the sky,
A tiny church, a tiny town,
And no one even wept,
Just how I wanted it,
I hated all of it.
Copyright ©
Dizza_13
... [
2004-08-10 00:49:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Last incision
(User Rating: 1 )
by cj_ranson on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 12:56:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| good poem, but ya spelt bore wrong lol, o well still good |
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Re: Last incision
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 01:22:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Yeah i liked all of your poetry, keep it up your going really well.
love always
corrupted_mind |
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Re: Last incision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 04:25:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Sad and despairing to my mind. People have already pointed out what should be changed, but its an effective expression nontheless.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Last incision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 06:08:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Apart from the spelling errors, your poem was all good.
It flow caught the imagination, had vivid images and plenty of emotion.
Awesome write. |
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Re: Last incision
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Wednesday, 6th October 2004 @ 10:12:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Awesome write. |
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