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Finding You
Contributed by
NobodySpecial
on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 08:49:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Alone I sit
Millions of thoughts crossing my mind
Never was an answer more important then now
Wondering, constantly wondering
Where have you all gone?
Why have you all left me?
It is not important...
Never will an answer be found
Deep inside you know why
You know the destined truth
I am not what you think I am
Trying to resist change
But never before has it been so important
Wandering, constantly wandering
Looking for my chance, my oppurtunity
But it is never found...
Never before have i needed it more
Searching for the truth
Destined to find lies
Waiting...
Waiting for you to walk through my door
But you won't, you never do
Never before have i needed you more
Copyright ©
NobodySpecial
... [
2004-08-07 20:49:16] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Finding You
(User Rating: 1 ) by MomentInTime on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 10:55:39 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Apart from lack of commas an' stuff, I reckon the poem is fine the way it is.
Jordan
PS. disable the "Capitalise the first letter of a sentence" in Word lol |
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Re: Finding You
(User Rating: 1 ) by CrimsonTears on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 11:22:30 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Good write...i know the feeling...i dont think u need to change anything
Lots of Love
CrimsonTears |
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Re: Finding You
(User Rating: 1 ) by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 8th August 2004 @ 02:34:23 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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good write with potential. |
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Re: Finding You
(User Rating: 1 ) by Stoney1 on
Sunday, 8th August 2004 @ 10:21:26 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Since you asked for comments, I'll take you at your word. Here are a few that you may want to consider:
Alone{,} I sit
Millions of thoughts invading my mind
{+Like the dreaded swarm,
Chewing and devouring my peace}
Never was an answer more important {-then now}
{-Wondering,} constantly wondering
Where have you {-all} gone?
Why have you {-all} left me?
{-It is not important...} If it's not important, why include the line at all?
Never {-will} an answer {-be found}
Deep inside I sit alone
as millions of thoughts invade
my mind like the dreaded swarm,
Chewing and devouring my peace,
Never was an answer more important
and constantly, I wonder where
you have gone,
Why have you left me?
Never an answer,
yet deep inside
I know why,
I know the truth,
For I am not what you think
Resisting change,
Never before has it
seemed so important,
Wandering constantly...
Searching for you! my opportunity
And never finding you,
Never have I needed you more
I'm waiting...
Waiting for you to walk through my door
But you won't, and you likely never will
I did some further editing as I was removing the edit marks. |
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