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Give Up The Ghost
Contributed by
Avarice_Riot
on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 10:08:54 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I was once a rose to you;
I was once your heartbeat
Melded into globules of emeralds
Made only for your precious eyes.
I fell for the tricks of filial devotion
Losing myself in blankets of mirages
of love and comfort.
I felt loved.
But once the smoking form of wraiths
ate their way into you
You tore my dreamweb into hellfire
Rammed me over and struck me
beyond mortal form
My emeralds are crashing down
Your emeralds are retching red.
O my Flesh and Blood,
How stupid and blind could you
have been not to see
That when you dealt the deathblow
You would give up the ghost
together with me?
Copyright ©
Avarice_Riot
... [
2004-08-07 10:08:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 10:23:02 AM AEST
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the imagery was just stunning and spellbinding.
i LOVED this poem. just so beautiful and dark and amazing. i cant give it enough praise.
i love your work.
well done.
Arden |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Sunday, 8th August 2004 @ 04:06:20 AM AEST
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Amazingly beautiful..yet very dark and sad..
liked its poetic beauty..venkat |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 8th August 2004 @ 11:01:24 AM AEST
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a stunningly beautiful piece of work.
wildejohnny. |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 02:52:12 AM AEST
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Very sad but written well.
huggs, luv,
emy |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 12:22:38 AM AEST
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| The agony of this piece really sinks in deep ... a strangely dark and yet beautiful write ... Jan |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by PolaroidMemory on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 05:01:08 AM AEST
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Beautiful poem. It came off a bit dark to me, but still...beautiful.
-Megan- |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ronald on
Wednesday, 11th August 2004 @ 11:54:47 PM AEST
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| Wonderful imagery! good job |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Thursday, 12th August 2004 @ 01:10:52 AM AEST
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| I agree with Jan..especially last stanza of the poem deeply moving..:-) venkat |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sagacious on
Thursday, 12th August 2004 @ 10:59:40 AM AEST
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I fell for the tricks of filial devotion
Losing myself in blankets of mirages
of love and comfort...
This statement of rejection is wrenching, to say the least. Courageously, you point to the veil of illusions which often conceals the true, underlying feelings between parent and child. Though deep and abiding love is among them, especially in the earlier, less complicated years, there is a natural drifting apart in many families that can be more or less painful, depending on the personalities involved.
Parents who seek to forge, like Vulcan, a new image (their own?) for their offspring can encounter a surprising determination to self-identity. Some choose the wise path: to allow children, with some guidance, to become the people they are inclined to be. Others allow their love to turn vitriolic, expressing itself in a form which too closely resembles hate. This parent chose unwisely.
It's a shame, too, for the self-defining soul here is clearly one of amazing sensitivity and beauty. By seeking to destroy those qualities, the parent has perhaps already killed something precious. And yet, the poet survives--though seemingly a poor reward for suffering, it'll have to do. Therein lies the possibility for redemption, and choices yet to be made. -KAC- |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 01:55:36 AM AEST
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"To give up the ghost
that pale empty shadow
ripped by angels
charged with such candor
to deflate the mortal coils
leaving behind a dead empty husk."
Peace upon your brows to be left with memories soo foul. To have the fastenings of life ripped before your very eyes. Such things does reek of intentions or mayhaps mistakes. May future tides bring you happy years. But poeticall mentioned, a sparse and harsh rendtion that does seek to shredd the heart with its very convinving sorrow. What darkly realms doth the soul descends in the parlor of this write...but skillfully done.. skillfully penned. What a heart wrenching tale of lost innocence.... quite well done!
" we all dream of perfect conditions..alas the world often has other intentions...courage friends...int othe teeth of fate doth we descend..."~ Excerpts from the Codex of Lan. |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hurretje on
Friday, 8th October 2004 @ 07:56:37 AM AEST
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Haunting, cutting and powerful words...the higher the flight of love, the harder the crash when it is all shattered.... Intense read, harsh, sad, but I liked it.
Hugs,
Hur |
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Re: Give Up The Ghost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 16th June 2013 @ 12:03:03 AM AEST
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One of the mysteries of the world how love can turn from sweet beauty to vile anguish. Very well written if I say so myself.
Thanks,
Tim |
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