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Battle Me
Contributed by
NobodySpecial
on
Friday, 6th August 2004 @ 11:40:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
I gave it once,
I gave it twice
It hurts so bad
And I don’t know why…
Go away, leave me here
Soaking in all my fears.
Chew me up, spit me out
Throw my soul all about
It’s nothing new
Look at me now
Loved by so few
Give it up, stop playing this game
Nothing will ever again be the same
I know what I did, I ruined your life
I am the reason behind your every strife
If you leave, I will die
Into the dark I will fly
To watch you from the sky
The life is hurt, so take it now
Shoot me, come on, make it hurt
I see your blood
Its washing over me, as if it’s the flood
I have secrets that you wouldn’t understand
So in my heart is where they will stay
At least until that fatal day
When, I shoot you once
I shoot you twice
It hurts so bad
And I don’t know why…
Copyright ©
NobodySpecial
... [
2004-08-06 23:40:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheRaven on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 02:00:43 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very, very good for your first write. not bad with the rhyme, kind of felt forced sometimes. but very nice, good emotion. maybe try conveying that same emotion without the rhyme? still well-written, keep it up i'll keep an eye out for 'em.....
the raven |
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadreckoning1983 on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 02:34:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| The Raven is right, sometimes froced on the rhyming but still good. just remember keep it simple if a word doesnt belong throw it out. can't wait to read more! |
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrimsonTears on
Tuesday, 10th August 2004 @ 01:50:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is good for your first poem...but like everyone said the rhyming is a lil forced...but overall its a great write...good job and keep writing
Lots of Love
CrimsonTears |
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Trisha on
Tuesday, 19th October 2004 @ 11:32:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this was good. |
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by destinyfate on
Friday, 19th November 2004 @ 06:58:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it.All except the fact someone actually feeling this way but you released feelings well.
Destiny Fate |
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Re: Battle Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Always on
Monday, 22nd November 2004 @ 06:06:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Too close to home....nice.. |
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