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Vengeance
Contributed by
TheRaven
on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 03:13:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Next to the old mesquite they found
Your body, your head cut on the asphalt.
Tears singe my eyes as I walk up to you
With you favorite opal necklace around your
Neck I can identify your once flawless
Body, your beautiful face and shining smile
Clouds overhead threatening, at the bottom
Of a bottle my feelings are like ice, words
Skating over until one lacerates my thoughts
Murder.
Down by the creek Dad stands with the uniforms
This heinous crime I don’t understand Mom
But as you are an angel in heaven
Soon he will be in hell
The Raven
Copyright ©
TheRaven
... [
2004-08-05 15:13:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by richcol7522 on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 03:16:41 PM AEST
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| This is deep...You did a wonderful job with words that you choose. Good write |
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by KiLin on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 04:06:16 PM AEST
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| I like it. It's very descriptive. Good job! |
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by PRECIOUSBECKY on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 04:16:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| YOU DESCRIBED THE SCENE SO WELL I FELT AS IF I WERE IN THE BACKGROUND LOOKING ON- GREAT POEM - SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. |
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 05:42:19 PM AEST
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I don't know what to say about this.
It is so tragic and devastating.
Kie |
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by WinterFawn on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 05:58:07 PM AEST
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Very chilling verse. Brilliantly composed.
WinterFawn |
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 01:08:46 AM AEST
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I've started to read some of your posts on this site, and with every poem, I find that you are very descriptive, which expresses more clearly the feeling in all of your poems. In this poem I liked the flow of this line:
my feelings are like ice, words
Skating over until one lacerates my thoughts
Murder.
The word "murder" really comes through in that flow.
Be True,
zenmind
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Re: Vengeance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent_Storm on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 04:58:39 PM AEST
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| Great poem! I liked it a lot. the imager is excellent! |
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