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What am i to you?
Contributed by
Gothik_twitch
on
Wednesday, 4th August 2004 @ 04:01:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
When you look at me what do you see?
Do you see a lonely girl sitting off to the side?
Or a rebel waiting to break the rules
Do you see the scars upon my flesh?
Or the ones inside of my body
Can you really see what I have gone through?
Or lived through?
Do you understand why I punish my self?
Why I like to cut jagged red lines into my skin
I feel like a puppet chained down
Tied to many stings that control my body
This is the only way I have my freedom
The only way I control what happens in my life
Can you see the tears that fall from my blue eyes?
See what I live through
The pain and sadness
The cry of suicide is in my minds eye
But I ignore it for I don’t want to die
I just need to feel
Feel the pain inside of me be set free
Be released
So there is no more
I am a sinner in god’s eyes
What I do breaks his heart
I can’t be perfect any longer
I used to be when I was younger
But now im nothing
The media has thin big-breasted women all over
But what about us fat girls hmm?
Do we not get respect any longer?
When you walk into a store and try on your XL shirt
And it doesn’t fit you feel like *****
You must force yourself to throw up your food
Or just not eat
Go on a diet for the rest of your life
Isn’t it better to have a girl be all different sizes?
Than all the same?
I cut to make things better.
At the time it feels great
Then after im finished I feel the shame and guilt
The pain re rise
Then I see my fat thighs and I wonder will I ever be free?
Ever have my life back.
This self-mutilation is ruining my life
Can’t you see what im living?
Im Living a Hellhole life
But when I started my cutting I learnt that it made things better
It’s a stress reliever apparently
But if you’re a cutter then you’ll know what I mean
How it takes control
Worse then drugs
It’s the worse addiction
Just feeling that blade across your skin
And when you start to bleed
You feel the rush inside
The adrenaline rush that you depend on
It’s all just to feel
Just to take away the pain inside
But it’s not that easy anymore
You’re addicted to a worse drug then cocaine
Addicted to the myth that cutting will make everything better
Addicted to the rushes and taste of your blood
The lies in the world that they tell you your fine
Well maybe to that person but what about the other million people
What do they see when they walk past you
Do they think you’re beautiful or ugly?
What are they thinking?
You spend hours trying to figure it all out
When you’re sick and tired you cut just to feel that release
But you don’t feel it anymore
So you keep cutting deeper till more blood comes in a flood
But your skin is so scared that there is hardly any new skin patch for scarring
Some people press harder on their tough skin
It’s so tough you could stab your skin up and no blood would appear
See not many people could understand the ***** that I go through
So inless you expeirnce this awful repetitive cycle
Don’t judge me
It’s like anorexia bulimia and other addictions
So repetitive you can’t control it
But you think you can but you really cant
There not much you can do
You see your counselors and they seem concerned
But are they really do they really care?
Copyright ©
Gothik_twitch
... [
2004-08-04 04:01:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What am i to you?
(User Rating: 1 )
by pyro_88 on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 03:41:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| this is a great write. i totaly rlate to this. keep it up. |
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