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Prismatic
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Tuesday, 3rd August 2004 @ 10:55:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Twilight bends in sharp diffraction
Feelings blend in dark's reaction
Thin pane depicts a vitric heart
A stained-glass work of living art
Mercurial, eyes bare no glow
Colors fade from this black rainbow
Aphotic bands perpetuate
Black and white; hues variegate
As motionless as windless pond
Reflects discord, refracts despond
'Neath teary eyes of peridot
His frailty hides, his faultlines grow
Mirror of the soul, changeling pane
Aspersions cast and stones his bane
By tooth of time the surface gnawed
As all of us, he's chipped and flawed
With fractured trails, veneer battered
The stones were thrown, prisms shattered
Tinctured wisps and sundered remnants
Fragmented shards; splintered penance
The shining winds in whirls arrived
In broken glass their gusts imbibed
Sullied beauty, no more aflame
Left to stand as an empty frame
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-08-03 22:55:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 3rd August 2004 @ 11:32:11 PM AEST
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This piece is rather quiet in tone.... as it should be, I think. It comes across without anger or frustration, but rather with an accepting and knowing kind of feeling. It echos a thoughtfulness thoroughout it that's rather contagious, I think --- I found my self in a moment of self reflection after reading it.
"Vitreous Soul"... indeed..... We all should be brave enough to see ourselves clearly, but not all do.
You had me when you snuck a 'black rainbow' in, by the way. It's a powerful image. It stuck with me through the remainder of the piece... probably explaining why I was slightly unsettled by the use of "peridot" immediately after the verse noting the absence of color. I hope you don't mind the my sharing the observation...
With a feeling that saying "beautiful" is not nearly enough,
SNM
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th August 2004 @ 06:27:12 AM AEST
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"By tooth of time the surface gnawed
As all of us, he's chipped and flawed"
How true for all of us, and how wonderully unique.
This was hypnotizing in it's unbeaking pace, and imagery.
Nice work. |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th August 2004 @ 05:29:37 PM AEST
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Another one for the SP forum.
I've read it over more times than I care to mention, and the only superlative that comes to mind right now is . . .
Stupendous. |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 4th August 2004 @ 06:33:36 PM AEST
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I'm not sure if I'm up to this much thinking tonight. Goodness, VS, you have outdone yourself once more. You are going to be published, aren't you? Your growth even in the short time of been here astounds me. This is amazing. That's all I can say right now. I feel like an idiot with my mouth open and no words falling out.
Stitch |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th August 2004 @ 06:47:29 PM AEST
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I don't think there is a comment to adequately adorn this work. It is perfection which is the usual VS style. When I grow up I want to write like you.
Rita |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by xSlashXPrettyXSkinx on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 01:39:07 AM AEST
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...if i said this was anything other than phenominal, i'd be lying...
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Thursday, 5th August 2004 @ 07:33:21 AM AEST
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My my.... what a angelic piece of art so quiet in tone and snm mentioned and i also agree, the use of 'black rainbow' did also stick with myslef throughout the entire piece i am tranced by this write my good friend
It is as if you have delved inside my soul and found exactly how i wish for my own writes to sound, its perfect in my view and as they say if today was perfect then there would be no need or tomorrow, so maybe after reading that, maybe there should be no tomorrow for similar writes, like my own because you just perfected an art my friend
Five stars and a million more
Thrown out the window and trampled on by giant poetic elephants :D
Luke |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 03:14:18 AM AEST
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| Dan ... this poem reflects the pain you obviously feel, and it touches me deeply because I know just how you feel ... you have written with your typically talented poetic flair, but underneath I know how much you must be hurting, and my words can never soothe the heart, but hopefully offer a small moment of satisfaction this this write goes down as one of the best I've read ... Jan |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 11:52:13 AM AEST
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The dark tones throughout echo resplendently with the title.
Obviously well thought-out and heartfelt, I can't say this is anything sort of spectacular. And, identifying well with it (but having no words of my own to describe things such as these), it is certain that a description like this is more than beyond that.
Keep writing or resemble a rose-toned rainbow,
-Eve. |
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Re: Prismatic
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 16th August 2004 @ 06:24:00 PM AEST
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| You definately have a way with words. Enough said |
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