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In This Room
Contributed by
wray
on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 06:15:30 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Curtains are drawn so I
breathe without seeing;
a light shadow plays on the lids of my eyes.
I feel no surprise.
It wasn’t that long ago,
laying down near me,
exhaling slowly,
your soft whispers
reached me:
tenderest brush of your lips across mine;
warmth
of my soul –
– I reach back in time . . .
. . . and feel you beside me, your
touch like a fire,
natural, in beauty; your love like a
candle –
sputtering out.
I open my eyes and roll over quickly.
Dim glows the moonlight that
echoes my sigh.
The bedding is cold and your hand
trails
away
with a
ghost-whispered kiss.
Copyright ©
wray
... [
2004-07-25 06:15:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by pvd on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 07:44:19 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Mysterious, dreamy and haunting. I love the flow and you capture the sense of longing with the phrases
"Dim glows the moonlight that
echoes my sigh." (a great line ) and the ending with "ghost-whispered kiss" is a great sound device.
Love it!! |
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by WinterFawn on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 09:27:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
"Ghost-whispered kiss"...~sigh~... such an awesome line.....fills me with a deep longing as I read this..beautiful verse.
WinterFawn |
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 10:24:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This one made me feel sad.. Somehow..
I felt the words from a prespective of a quad. ...
I trust your bedding is at least warmer.
Peace
Whisper |
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sagacious on
Monday, 26th July 2004 @ 09:23:40 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Not many people can pull off this sort of imagery as well as you have. You walk a fine line, here, utilizing the tools of romantic cliche, while injecting a deeply personal sense of loss. This is where you take your biggest risk, therefore reaping the greatest reward: an emotional nakedness which elevates the poem as a whole, and lends credibility to your vision. In addition, you make great use of italics, wielding them like subtle weapons to clarify your point. You may be assured I'll be reading more from you! Thanks for posting. -KAC- |
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 30th July 2004 @ 01:21:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I have come back to read this again, and can't believe I didn't comment the first time - wonderful poem - how ethereal and expressive. I alwaya find the visual aspect interesting - it added a nice touch here.
Terrific. |
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Re: In This Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Sunday, 8th August 2004 @ 06:44:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Elegant, subtle, and masterful, wray. I'm taken aback and genuinely impressed with this piece. Your command over detail, giving it just the right about of gentle presence creates a very potent ethereal effect that fits perfectly with the theme of the poem. This piece made me think of an oil painting. Perhaps one i've seen before, perhaps not, but basically I saw a shadowy bedroom and a half-asleep lover longing for his/her other half, with the italics suggesting like a thought bubble over the lover's head showing exactly what they feel and giving the missing character a very strong presence even though they're not there at all. A wonderful poem, miss wray. You really should post more. Butterat Zool. |
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