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Stationary
Contributed by
pvd
on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 08:54:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I stand on the platform waiting for the train,
while the bells toll from the cathedral tower,
a cloud of pigeons begins to flap and flutter,
shaken from their nests in the eaves and arches.
While the bells toll from the cathedral tower,
the faithful congregate and flock to Sunday mass,
shaken from their nests in the eaves and arches,
it’s a reflexive response, a ritual of existence.
The faithful congregate and flock to Sunday mass,
while from Monday to Friday they trudge into work,
it’s a reflexive response, a ritual of existence,
an attempt to navigate the Skinner’s Box of mass transit.
While from Monday to Friday they trudge into work,
they are herded like cattle, crowded on to the train,
an attempt to navigate the Skinner’s Box of mass transit,
and the 7:09 West bound local arrives and then departs.
They are herded like cattle, crowded on to the train,
a cloud of pigeons begins to flap and flutter,
and the 7:09 West bound local arrives and then departs,
I stand on the platform waiting for the train.
Copyright ©
pvd
... [
2004-07-24 08:54:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by oldernotwiser on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 09:03:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I LOVE Pantoums. They fit my ocd lifestyle. You did a GREAT job here.
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 09:41:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was cool, well-written and aptly titled. The way you reversed the order of the 2nd and 4th lines in the final stanza worked very well in closing the poem and emphasising the vicious, never-ending cycle of life's drudgery. Great work! |
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 10:27:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| So true to all that was written! Good job! |
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by AspenGlow on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 11:35:24 AM AEST
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Very nice......I kept hope alive for the pigeons to let go on the people getting on and off the trains........I know say 10 our Fathers and 10 hail Mary's......still ....
Thanks for sharing. |
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 12:41:20 PM AEST
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I've never read a pantoum before. I really am impressed by it and will definately consider trying one out in the near future.
I thought this was very cleverly written, and is also (as usual for you) vivid and resonant.
Thanks for showing me something new, and giving me the inspiration I need today.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Stationary
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 07:36:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow, you put a lot into this poem and truely it shows, beautiful!!!! big hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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