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the ending
Contributed by
lexxie
on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 11:18:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
moonlight at midnight
feelings consume you
looking over the rippled water monsters step out of the cold sea
walking up to me they whisper in my ear and tell me a secrete
they point there finger to the sky and tell me try to fly
the evil things that live in the sea finally gave me my wings
Copyright ©
lexxie
... [
2004-07-23 23:18:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the ending
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 12:31:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Intriguing metaphorical depiction of suicide - generally flying is associated with an optimistic future so it lends a whole new creepy perspective to this killing yourself thing. If I had to be critical I'd say the length of the 3rd and 4th lines doesn't seem to match their content, but overall I really enjoyed the imagery. |
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Re: the ending
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 05:42:48 PM AEST
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what an amazingly beautiful poem:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: the ending
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 10:45:04 PM AEST
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secrete
secrete what??????? it sounds funny there
a better word perhap.......might I suggest some thing like this...:+)
Moonlight at midnight
feelings consume you
looking.......step out of the cold blue sea
walking up to me they whispered.. and told me their names..
they point to the sky ,their fingers High
they tell me to fly...
Evil things that live in the sea finally
gave me wings.
Secrete is meant for other wares .
Its just a thought.
Good thought though..
Whisper |
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