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mum?
Contributed by
Hannah_Heaven
on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 06:32:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
you held me in your arms
you said
'i was the most beautiful gift'
but did you really
i cant remember
there is no pictures
there is no proven love
and as a child i blanked the fact
you never held my hand across the road
you never hugged me when i cried silently at night
kissed my cheek
as my frozen tears struck my skin
i dont even know if your my mum
you dont look like me
i know thats daft
i know im silly
but really
i dont think i was ment to be
a child from your womb
couldnt you of cut me out
aborted me from life
but maybe its best this way
i dont know
how will i ever know
my dad has gone now
he ignored me too
ignored my sobs in the corner
my screams in the night
i was always the little *****
yes that was my name
and i can never remember being in contact
talking without angry words
well,we never talked
just sat as drones
watching the bleakness of life pass us by
i felt like was invisible
sitting back
and letting you two live
and me be outcast
you couldnt be bothered with me
i was left
neglected
i cried so much my eyes stung
and every tear cost my heart a painful stab
my nanna and granddad were there
they never knew how i felt
i put on happy smiles
and always was polite
i even was lucky to meet and love my great nanna and grandad
i laughed they brought happiness to each moment
somethimes
i regret i didnt want to see them
but i was only a child
and i miss them darely
they broke my heart
and there is always a gap for them
and now my mum
she taught me not to love
men are all the same
useless
they only want one thing
there is no such thing as mr. right
so i hated men
before i loved them
which i doubt i ever will
my heart falls
and hits the bottom of my stomach
quenched in its own darkness and miss-fortune
i pity for any man that meets me
or ever to fall in love
i drove the rest mad
with my painless abuse
i hated myself
and they got put off
too many problems i let lose
holding me up
bottled inside of me
i wasnt ready to become a women
i was trying to fix my childhood
and live through a childs eyes
before my fantasys and dreams got smushed by her
i got woke up too quick
and brought to reality unready
i wanted it like sleeping beauty
my love happy waking me up
instead it was out of anger
and pain i hit reality and stress
i suffered from attemps at a child
abuse to myself
i prayed every night to die in my sleep
and he never granted that
so i killed my soul
and gave up on him
like i gave up on everyone else
myself and the world
my life died before i was ready
i destroid what was left before the darkness took me
and it was all because of her
that i felt cold and unloved
my sins
my hate
my scarred soul...whats left of it
lingers on
and it is the only light left flickering
as the darkness is surrounding me
i need you now
if not then
now please
hold my hand
hug me tight
kiss me goodnight
mum?
Copyright ©
Hannah_Heaven
... [
2004-07-23 18:32:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: mum?
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 06:46:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| well, i read it all. and it's quite sad yes. it must hurt to have those kind of feelings inside. i'm curious as to how old you are. thanks for posting |
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Re: mum?
(User Rating: 1 )
by 61grahamj on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 03:27:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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so sad so, heart wrenching, being hurt as a child is terrible . but things can change and good people have good things happen eventualy. dont ever give up hope or love for yourself and your family.
take care
61grahamj |
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Re: mum?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 08:30:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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in another post you said you were 13...
and you wrote this?!? wow, awesome write on a painful subject... hang in there Hannah. |
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Re: mum?
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 10:54:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
It is hard to believe you are so young.... wow you have such great expression , a true gifted young poet..... I am sorry for your pain hun. very emotional write,,,
pixie xx |
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