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Suspended Sentence
Contributed by
pvd
on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 07:22:19 AM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
|
Is this where you held court?
Out in the woods, alone
in the clearing surrounded
by nature, the judge’s chamber
and jury box, high in the trees.
You were sentenced
to life without parole,
no mercy,
no appeal,
no lo contendre.
Condemned to dangle
between
heaven and earth,
by the string of lies
tangled
with knots of truth.
Was there any reasonable doubt?
Beneath the bow of the tree,
the rope lays strewn
on the ground, uncoiled
like the carcass
of the serpent cast out
of the garden.
Are you free now?
Copyright ©
pvd
... [
2004-07-23 07:22:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 08:19:54 AM AEST
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great write,
pixie xx |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jellybellyprincess on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 09:18:01 AM AEST
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........ this is SUCH an amazing write ....... the whole idea of this scene is just so ..... the picture of the dangling between heaven and earth is excellent ......
truly awesome.
Ellen |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 09:22:03 AM AEST
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WOW!! What imagery!! Great write...
Jenni |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 09:35:20 AM AEST
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There is always a gem in your writing, something that is so extraordinary -
uncoiled
like the carcass
of the serpent cast out
of the garden.
Terrific |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 12:59:24 PM AEST
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hauntingly enchanting.... hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 10:17:10 AM AEST
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Hmm you've got an eerie knack for provoking contemplation. And I'm not even usually the kind of person who likes to think deeply when reading a poem, but your words are irresistable. (This is not empty praise!)
Firstly, I'd like to point out the typo of "bow" for no real reason other than that maybe you can edit any future copies. When I think a poem's really good it hurts to see innocent errors like that (far be it from me though to correct grammar when my own has been known to suffer from time to time).
Anyway, again, a lot of gripping conceptualisation going on here. Usually rhetorical questions annoy me no end coz they smack of amateurism but yours really personalise the experience for the reader. My only problem is that I'm still not sure what my reaction is supposed to be, other than an unsavoury view of being "cast out of the garden" (which I'm assuming equates to being "sentenced to life"?)
Anyways I figure my lack of total comprehension is probably due to incompetence on my part, coz I really think this is a fantastic piece of work. It's easy for me to judge here and there but I don't think I could come up with anything like this. So.. erm... well done :) and sorry for the essay-length comments, I'll try to cut down next time. |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 10:18:53 AM AEST
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| Ohh! Wait!! Suspended Sentence..... did the person die? Dammit this not-understanding thing sucks. |
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Re: Suspended Sentence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 25th July 2004 @ 06:59:44 PM AEST
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Holy crap - this is powerful... almost too real, too honest. If this is exactly what I think it is - and I think it is- you've slid the pain right in between these extraordinary words... asking the question that HAD to be asked but presently them in a way that makes "Why?" seem lame. (And why is most assuredly an intense word)
Geez- if this is just a creation of your mind... it's amazing.... but if it is of your heart - it is even more amazing because I can't even imagine how you could have found the words.
Impressed - either way-
SNM |
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