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Withdrawn
Contributed by
liquidchaos
on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 01:07:30 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I'm leaving here tonight.
Escaping from your grasp
Dissolving into darkness.
Running from my past.
I'm through with your intentions--
Attempts to keep me safe.
I've found no reason for today,
And I'm still loosing faith.
Now I put this pen to paper,
Instead of blade to skin.
My hurt will take another form.
Darkness seethes within.
Drawn inside this void of me
To occupy the catatonic.
Comatose to all outsiders,
Withdrawn--just like you want it.
Copyright ©
liquidchaos
... [
2004-07-23 01:07:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Withdrawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Seans_Girl on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 01:26:40 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Good poem. It's very deep. Sorry I don't have any suggestions on how to change the last verse. I like it like that.
*Natalie* |
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Re: Withdrawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by katyqueen35 on
Friday, 23rd July 2004 @ 01:38:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I'm leaving here tonight.
Escaping from your grasp
Dissolving into darkness.
Running from my past.
I'm through with your intentions--
Attempts to keep me safe.
I've found no reason for today,
And I'm still loosing faith.
Now I put this pen to paper,
Instead of blade to skin.
My hurt will take another form.
Darkness seethes within.
Drawn inside this void of me
To occupy the catatonic.
Comatose to all outsiders,
Withdrawn within myself...just the way you want it to be..
Hows that?
This poem is excellent as it is anyways.... |
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Re: Withdrawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkplaidbabe on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 12:44:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i love your poem. It's very powerful. the whole poem seems to exude the word "withdrawn". this is an awesome poem, i look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Brynna |
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Re: Withdrawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 24th July 2004 @ 05:04:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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well i like how you have it and wouldnt change it a bit or it would change the heartfelt expression, it rhymes beautifully:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Withdrawn
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Monday, 30th August 2004 @ 09:51:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i see nothing wrong with your poem. it's your feelings that makes me sad. i'm glad you're expressing your-self, DON'T QIT, but still want to help you!
i'm always here! |
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