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what im trying to say
Contributed by
holderofthestone
on
Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 05:52:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
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I wonder how it is you sleep
when you know just how I weep
and in you I've become so week
there nothing more for us to speak
what Im trying to say
my cheeks still show those cursed tracks
you can see where my souls cracked
you drag me into your dreaded traps
and even yet I'd take you back
what Im trying to say
I know that we will never be
but sometimes I look and its you I see
and I think your coming back to me
but you dont return and im still lonely
what Im trying to say
I sit and stare out my window
and watch the trees as the wind blows
and where to go I still dont know
I just cant continue with this show
what Im trying to say
I know that our time is now the past
like lightning it flashed and it passed
yet I remain with a soul thats crashed
and a heart thats been beaten and lashed
what Im trying to say
no more of you can I dream
for nothing now is as it seems
and for you my love still beams
but towards you I can no longer lean
what Im trying to say
I can no longer love you my dear
for you will never hold me near
you vanished for so many years
and I have shed to many tears
what Im trying to say
of you I know I'll never forget
its you I think of as I sit
but your heart I just cant get
so what I must say I so regret...
what Im trying to say
what Im trying to say is good-bye
but everytime I start to cry
and it feels like inside I die
but for your love I can no longer try
Copyright ©
holderofthestone
... [
2004-07-17 17:52:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by apollo on
Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 06:10:14 PM AEST
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this was amazing. how did you come up with this? seriously i thought this was one of the best pieces that affected me so much. (in a good way though) this was a brilliant write and you truly are a talent.
brandon |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by hooray_its_jen on
Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 06:11:02 PM AEST
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Your poem makes me think....well done (because, if you haven't noticed, I almost never think.)! It's very sad, but I still enjoyed it. Who says people can't enjoy sad poems?
~Jen |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 06:16:21 PM AEST
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your poems are always wonderfully and beautifully put together.....yest filled with sadness and pain, you have such great talent
pixie xx |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 08:34:20 PM AEST
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| fantastic write. |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 06:47:00 AM AEST
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When we write rhyming poetry, there is a tacit agreement
between the author and the reader; we both know that it's
contrived. Therefore, the trick is to construct it in such a
fashion so as to make it appear as natural as possible.
Make the reader 'forget' that it's contrived.
One way of doing this is to ryhme sparingly.
Not:
I wonder how it is you sleep
when you know just how I weep
and in you I've become so week
there nothing more for us to speak
what Im trying to say
...and so on...
Like they say at Weight Watchers,
"More is not necessarily better!*g*
If you were baking a cake, that called for two cups
of sugar; you wouldn't add four more cups to the
recipe just because you were fond of sugar would
you? Of course not, you'd spoil the cake.
Try holding back on that one ingredient a bit.
Stoney
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 06:46:45 PM AEST
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awww.... so sad.... sooo beautifully written and heartfelt:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th July 2004 @ 11:56:37 PM AEST
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"no more of you can I dream
for nothing now is as it seems
and for you my love still beams
but towards you I can no longer lean
what Im trying to say"
okay. wow. that made me cry and I had to take a break before I finished the poem. what inspired this poem for you? I'm going through something exactly as your poem describes, but, it's affecting me so much, i can't even write about it.
wow.
thanks for that, it was a really good cry/read! |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Wednesday, 21st July 2004 @ 09:09:39 PM AEST
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I can really relate to this poem.....what am I trying to say? So many times....we really can't figure it out!
This was very touching to me.......for I too wonder many times just what to do?
Wonderful way of expressing yourself here.
Great Write.....but so sad......and so true!
Poetic hugs
consue |
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Re: what im trying to say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Living_In_My_Dream on
Wednesday, 28th July 2004 @ 11:46:22 AM AEST
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another magnificent piece, you've done it again holder...keep it up please...
much love,
Dani |
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