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The Resume
Contributed by
psyche
on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 09:28:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
"Please describe yourself & your professional experience with regard to this position"
I’m an incredibly bright, dedicated geek/technician
(Much better working on my own than in a team.)
Though I can’t stand getting micromanaged,
And, honestly, my ADHD is quite extreme.
I understand that you’re compelled, on this basis,
To toss aside this peculiar resume.
Yet I beseech you to withhold such bias judgment,
Until you’ve read though my entire dossier.
For this position, "Troubleshooting Failing Systems,"
When information fails to pass point A to B,
I guarantee that I can find the quick solution
And I (quite frankly) owe it all to ADD.
Our brains are like miniature PC systems
And I’ve an exponentially multiplied CPU,
Personally experienced throughput bottleneck
Especially querying my 8-bit SCSI Ultra 2.
The prefrontal cortex in the human brain
Serves the same job function as FAT32
Providing the location of our data quest
So that our hard drive answers back the CPU.
ADD blocks this directory from my neuron path
So my queries go answered or return null
I’m primed to recognize this fault in PC’s, too
And a myriad of other issues you’d find dull.
Central processors are designed to background multitask
And, timed correctly, they continue sight unseen.
Yet if the memory controllers off, or onboard cache gets “full”
It’s a sluggish Monday morning, sans caffeine.
Now with networks, peripherals or external drives,
Problems stem from communiqué or IRQ’s
Whose turn is it to interrupt? At what priority?
I take which bus, and which output device to use?
So, you see, I’m just the candidate for your position here
A broke computer’s just a machine with ADHD
And when you can’t for the life of you, get that data out
You’ll want REAL “system experience” –that would be ME!
Copyright ©
psyche
... [
2004-07-11 21:28:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by RobertKilpatrick on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 09:37:00 PM AEST
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Wo full on; what a Indepth re'sume' Lot of essance here: Love it
Cheers Robert |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 09:49:47 PM AEST
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OMG, that is better than a resume anyday. I would have hired you but made sure you had an office of your own down the hall, waaaaaay down the hall.
LOL,
Rita |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by frohemiasweetie on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 10:40:35 PM AEST
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| Freaking awesome!!!!!! Props to you and everyone with ADHD. It adds such character!!!! I love the poem. My average time on any given job has been about eight months, so I can relate to the whole interview experience thinking about what's on VH1 tonight and laundry and painting your toenails and partially concentrating as hard as possible on an intelligent conversation during said interview. |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 10:45:02 PM AEST
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Lol, this was amazing.
I'm with Rita, I certainly would hire you. |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 12th July 2004 @ 06:27:48 AM AEST
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| Stunning resume..O.k..we will give you a chance..lol. welldone. venkat |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Monday, 12th July 2004 @ 06:55:43 AM AEST
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I loved your analogy comparing ADHD to a broken computer. Fantastic!
Have also been in the interview trenches and absolutely hate it.
There's so much riding on doing a successful interview that I seldom
do well.
Usually, due to nervousness, my defense mechanism cuts in, and I
start cracking jokes. Ugh!
I'm a walking advertisment for what NOT to do in an interview.
This was an excellent read.
Stoney |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by tifrob on
Monday, 12th July 2004 @ 03:41:20 PM AEST
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WOW!!! NOW THIS IS A POEM!!! A GREAT POEM!!!
J~ |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th July 2004 @ 01:27:16 PM AEST
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| Dear Psyche; Regarding your comment in your blog about "lack of talent" in poetry, as you can see by these comments all *these* people beg to differ. |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by hooray_its_jen on
Thursday, 29th July 2004 @ 11:26:20 AM AEST
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LOL! You think of the greatest things to write about. I like reading your work, it's always interesting and you never really know what you're gonna get.
Blessings
Love, Jenna |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 9th August 2004 @ 10:22:06 AM AEST
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I REally think with that resume that perhaps you just might be the person I need to interface with the computer in my car, so I can increase my output and get off the dang bus.
Very pleasureable read. Thanks for a Monday morning chuckle.
Naz ~ |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 10:33:55 PM AEST
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Such a cute write! I didn't understand much of it though, since I don't know a thing about computers. Hah...
You're a very talented writer. |
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Re: The Resume
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Sunday, 13th March 2005 @ 03:43:57 AM AEST
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| This was a brilliantly insightful poem. Great job, this was a very unique resume. I think they'd give you the job because you put yourself out there. Anyways wonderful job! |
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