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Wither Me
Contributed by
Dupa
on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 06:11:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Crack the swollen bloom--
bleed it
A last dance in a fancy club
with men in suits and red
roses on each table
As we dance they snap
beneath our feet with
an unnoticed demise--
falling not from the heavens
but from my tears
Your lips connect and disappear
as i pluck a broken stem
allowing the thorn to pierce
to pierce
deep into my being,
watching a drop of crimson
pool into the heart
of a shattered rose
Copyright ©
Dupa
... [
2004-07-09 06:11:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by gery_giggles on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 06:33:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
o you did post it^_^...again great write..sad story behind it...
luv always |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 06:46:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Welcome to YPDC! I enjoyed your first submission and looking forward to reading more of your work. I do like how you present the pain of a lost love in this piece... not blatantly, but fully just the same. I do hope that after three years, the thorn leaves nothing more than a tiny, tiny little puncture - if anything.
Well done! Keep writing and we'll keep reading! And again - welcome!
SNM |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Another_Dimension on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:12:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Amazing, nothing more can be said
you set such a beautiful yet blackened scene
in my head..
BS x |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:24:52 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| wow, really great wording... a sad situation but you portrayed it beautifully* |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:55:57 AM AEST
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Very powerfull, deep, pruging write.
Beautifull blleding rose.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 08:19:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
hmm sad, great use of words. your style of writing is like another one of the writers here that i know.
very awesome, amazing poem.
i ejoyed it.
and welcome to ypdc.
Arden |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 08:19:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I can only hope the shards of pain have been long picked up and disposed of, and a new rose has bloomed for you. This is a beautiful description of a broken relationship and a withered heart.
Rita |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 10:49:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is a very cool poem although it is sad. You will fit in well here. A very personal welcome. |
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Re: Wither Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 11:25:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very beautifully said....even for such a sad event.....
Welcome to YPDC....the best poetry site on the net..... You will love it here, I'm sure...
Jenni |
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