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To The Death of Peter Pan
Contributed by
PsychoScissors
on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 11:58:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
"Drink to the death of Peter Pan"
But I just wanted him to stay
to tell me not to cry tonight
not to cry tomorrow night
Durning sunset
Or the rise
I can not cry tonight.
I ask you why
and you say don't
I scream and cry
and you say don't
I say I'm wrong
and you say don't
All along
you say don't.
So, I guess,
I wont.
But I won't drink to the death
Of you're beloved peter pan
of your idiotic thoughts
Of your sick and twisted plan
to bring down all the children's songs
to make them realize all along.
you're just a puppet on a string
that your words don't mean a thing
and I'll never be as good
as your beloved Peter Pan
as light, as happy, as clean, as free
I'm tainted with the bloody damned
of all the pain you've given me.
Yes, it's you that's tainted me.
It's my hands that you have stainted!
So let's go running in the rain!
we'll throw the cold umbrella's away
Yeah, we'll have a happy day.
Just one bloody Happy day.
Without the rain in our eyes
on our lips
or in our way.
"To the death of Peter Pan"
He's not dead today.
Copyright ©
PsychoScissors
... [
2004-07-07 23:58:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 12:06:27 AM AEST
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i think this will be one of my favourite poems
i've ever read on this site. there's just
something about it...
i love the concept you've used ...... a loss of
innocence, a loss of dreams, a loss you
don't want to face... |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by katyqueen35 on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 12:18:31 AM AEST
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| great write.i like this a poem alot. |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 01:49:51 AM AEST
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I liked the poem. Just have a few nitpicks:
1. 4th line 1st verse, typo "Durning"
2. 6th line 1st verse, "can not" should be cannot
3. 2nd lint 3rd verse "wont " should be won't'
4. 2nd line 4th verse "you're" should be "your"
5. 7th line 5th verse "stainted" - not a word maybe it's a typo and you meant "stained"
All-in-all, a good read.
Stoney |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 02:04:16 AM AEST
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Stoney1....i'm sure you won't mind but.....
1. 3rd point about 2nd line: "lint" should be line |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by rightwingbrknwing on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 02:31:42 PM AEST
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| goddamn, sorry to be rude but i really dont think that accurate spelling was the message of this poem and by caring way too fu**ing much about that your missing everything important in it, emotions don't have spell check or filters so what does it matter. |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by PsychoScissors on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 04:41:24 PM AEST
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| oh..wow ^__^ You are right! Sorry I was kinda upset when I wrote this...I didn't really notice the spelling errors... |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 07:47:29 PM AEST
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Didn't matter at all pschoscissors!
my remarks to the site spell checker were made tongue in cheek. |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:01:34 AM AEST
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It was my impression that we are permitted to critique the poems
we read here.
Or is this a site where only fluff responses are permitted lest
an author's feelings be hurt?
In my opinion, anything that detracts from a poem; be it spelling
errors, or awkward syntax, should be pointed out so that the author
can make the changes should he/she desire.
To say that spelling doesn't matter in a literary work is analogous
to saying that accuracy in math isn't a necessary prerequisite
for an accountant.
"I've finished your tax form and the bottom line is, you owe the
IRS $47, 374.00.
Oops! Silly me, pick yourself up off the floor Mr. Jones, I must've
accidently hit the wrong button on my calculator.
You actually have $47.37 coming back."
Regardless of whether it is a sloppy accountant, or a sloppy wordsmith;
each shows a disrespect for the client when he presents less than his
best effort.
lint to line noted*g*
Stoney |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by PsychoScissors on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:26:08 AM AEST
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| Actually...um, I haven't found a way to edit the poems here once you've posted them..um, I appreciate you pointing out the mistakes... |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by PsychoScissors on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:31:35 AM AEST
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| Okay, Just a minute, I have to say something. Look I understand that i didn't do a very good spell check, and that was because I was typing erraticly and fast into a journal and not into a word document, and I undertsand that you are only here to critique my writing to make me a better one, but to say that I had a DISRESPECT for my readers is just plain annoying and untrue! I would appreciate it if you thought about what you were saying before you type it, and your nasty sarcastic attitude it completely uncalled for!! |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by rightwingbrknwing on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 08:33:50 PM AEST
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| excelent izzy, well put. I wouldn't be such a bi**h about this s**t if you were critiquing the actual content of the poetry, i honostly dont think that anything is going to be taken away from the poem if a few words are mis spelled in the feeling. She had somthing to express and what she was trying to express is most likely not correct spelling or grammer. I hate it when people like you (stone guy or watever) loose there sight on what's important in poetry, poetry is meant to express yourself using the tool of language, and language was created to express not to restrict and if your poems have perfect spelling that doesn't mean that they can't be complete s**t and vise versa in this case. God d**n, wtf, your not damaging anyone by mis spelling words or anything in fact i think I could even argue it adds somthing to the poem making it seem that much more expressive though wabi-sabi (the art of perfection through imperfection). I'm so sorry izzy that this poem had to spark such a stupid debate about somthing as trivial as spelling |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by rightwingbrknwing on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 08:44:38 PM AEST
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| (god izzy i'm sorry to litter your poetry page like this) i just actually finished reading what that stone guy wrote about the accountant thing and since your so fu**king keen on critiquing i thought i might point out your error in comparing acounting to POETRY. Poetry is a form of expression. The last time i checked a calculator can't help you express yourself. You've honostly lost whatever insentive you've ever had for writing poetry, spelling does not make you a good or bad writer, spelling is just a minor deatail in the big picture, unless you can't tell what the word is (which you obviously could) then why does it matter to you? You know what the message is why not just try to take away what you can from this piece of art instead of trying to nit pick at every piece that you find annoying. I'm having dificulty understanding where all this comes from...did you have a bad experience with spelling as a child that you'd rather not talk about? Did the nun's beat you? Its okay we won't judge you. Or are you just so insecure with yourself you have to degrade others to get your own sadistic pleasure |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by PsychoScissors on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 10:45:25 PM AEST
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| Umm, thank you everyone for talking this through..but if you wouldn't mind, I'd kinda appreciate all the arguing to stop ^_^;; Um, I'm sorry If I was an antagonist in this matter, but It would really mean a lot if every comment left from now on was solely about my poem. Thank you ^^ |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 27th August 2004 @ 03:20:28 AM AEST
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| Wow, its definatley official now. I am a huge fan! You're so great! I love your poetry! It really makes me want to cry with each poem I read of yours! I can relate so well with all of your poetry, too! I am a huge fan just by this third poem, you have me hooked and with each poem I read you really touch me. Oh, and if I didn't know better, I would say the title and quote in your poem is a Miyavi reference! But, as you can probably tell by my name, I just hate Miyavi... |
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Re: To The Death of Peter Pan
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on
Thursday, 7th May 2009 @ 07:47:34 AM AEST
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Wow! I just happened to stumble on your poem and got to reading
the comments that I, and others made about it, and just had to respond
even though it's been about five years since this thread was started.
My remarks about people not having respect for their readers by allowing
their poems to go out with spelling errors, were made in general and not
intended for you specifically. My apologies if I inadvertently caused you any
pain.
I always marvel at how personal the attacks seem to get when people disagree. *g*
Simply stated, I believe that when making comments/critiquing someone's
work, we are all doing so in order to help each other to become better poets.
If one were to count the comments pro and con about this concept, than clearly
I would lose as no one commenting supported my position.
Therefore, it can only be concluded that the general consensus is for each of us
to continue to soldier on in our individual mediocrity.
How unfortunate...
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