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Run Away
Contributed by
tangle
on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 10:07:38 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Fun and games your still the same your still looking still looking for that thing looking to be tamed looking for someone you came undone tangle weak emotions neglect all devotion passing time through rhyme could you find all that left you behind could you have everything but feel nothing my clear & cloudy eyes see why see passed your translucent eye see why i should not try the picture in front of me flat abstract of reason painted by fools painted by colors of contrast show the difference one thing leads to another that lead you can not follow run away
Copyright ©
tangle
... [
2004-07-06 22:07:38] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Run Away
(User Rating: 1 ) by oldernotwiser on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 07:09:47 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Maybe you're not looking....or at least in the right place.
I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I think you could do some really fun things with some line editing here. Make that end rhyme at the beginning internal and you will wind up with some fun double meanings. Internal rhyme would also make larger meaning of passing time through rhyme...get it? This is a good poem. Admire your writing habits. |
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Re: Run Away
(User Rating: 1 ) by emystar on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 07:31:45 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Please, change nuthing!
This one reaching out grabs the heart, soul, conscience, sub conscience, then knocks u on your ***.
U still have my attention, more please?
huggs,,,,,
emy |
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Re: Run Away
(User Rating: 1 ) by oldernotwiser on
Friday, 6th August 2004 @ 12:19:38 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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What if she could have followed ANY lead. Maybe you didn't give her a chance. Maybe neither of you were honest enough. I know there have been times I haven't been because I've been afraid of getting hurt. Worked too hard at trying to figure the other person out first. |
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Re: Run Away
(User Rating: 1 ) by Dri on
Wednesday, 7th December 2005 @ 03:48:10 PM AEST (User
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"could you find all that left you behind"
god, that line was just so...god.
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