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flawed obsidian
Contributed by
Black13
on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 09:07:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
In dreaming moonlight I can see you again
Engulfed in shadows from the pain
And all I could do was stare at you in vain
My soul cried for you cracking from the strain
(i would have loved to save you dear)
I could have held you so much tighter
I should have let you known you were a fighter
Seeing heaven's eyes open my own
Though it's clear how the obsidian shown
(but my wings have been clipped and i cry)
Nothing left to hold onto and no one left to find
With everything still to learn and how to be kind
I want to hold you high and let you fly
But I see you broken too and can only sigh
(when the essence of innocence fails lovers sometimes)
I don't know if I could love you right
Don't even know if I'm in your sight
But my tears fall to wish that it was
Knowing that it all came to pass
(and my knees bleed from begging)
Copyright ©
Black13
... [
2004-07-06 21:07:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 09:19:58 PM AEST
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the obsidian is used to release karma and clear past lives by some...interesting write
Shari |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 10:29:04 PM AEST
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Omg Jeff this is so beautiful... words fail me. *reads it again* God, you're amazing with words. It's like Echoes of You... how I wrote that so that only I could understand it. But I think I get it pretty well. You might have to go through it with me sometime just to make sure. :) The last stanza... you wrote it perfectly. I know exactly what you mean. *sighs* Love it. Absolutely love it.
~ Dee |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 07:01:16 AM AEST
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Its beautiful Jeff.
Though nothing i could say could do it justice.
Kinda sad? I dont know. I get that feeling. lol
But, it is definatly beautiful.
And i love the way the last lines are all in brackets.
Great write, Phil xxx
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by gery_giggles on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 08:32:03 AM AEST
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wow...very beautiful..had to read it twice....speechless...pat yourself on the back^_^
luv always |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 10:51:49 AM AEST
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I have to agree with all the other comments. This is a beautiful poem and touched me in a sad way.
I think it is one of your best.
Very well done. |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by Gentledove on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 01:27:11 PM AEST
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An awesome write.
Gentledove |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 03:23:57 PM AEST
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Jeff this was amazing dude I loved this. So emotional tinged with the feeling of defeat and loss. The last line really hit me with the images of your knees bleeding from begging. Amazing dude.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 11:46:32 AM AEST
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This poem fairly weeps. It's as if the sadness is flowing from beginning to end. Like it's being wrung from a wet towel. Two people in glass cases---able to see each other and yet not reach to touch. I love some of the images. Engulfed in shadows from the pain---is one of my favorites. It's a part of the catharsis. Having done a great deal of weeping the last few days, I can say that.
Stitch |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on
Thursday, 8th July 2004 @ 04:18:03 PM AEST
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This is a great write. The quality of it is excellent and seems to be in earnest... one can feel that sense of desparation in it. I found the images to be lovely. Great job.
Emily |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 9th July 2004 @ 01:47:23 AM AEST
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This is nigh perfection. The title itself is a great image, and being alluded to a couple of times in the piece lends it more strength. All the imagery is stunning here, and the emotion is handled wonderfully.
Bravo and encore!
And may the road rise up to meet you.
Andrew |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by RobertKilpatrick on
Saturday, 10th July 2004 @ 06:22:34 PM AEST
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| cool, I felt the emotion within the poem ..good write.. |
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Re: flawed obsidian
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Sunday, 11th July 2004 @ 04:26:16 AM AEST
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Well I usually don't understand half the poems out there anyway so that's cool. But I think this would be so beautiful written to some music.
I want to hold you high and let you fly
But I see you broken too and can only sigh
(when the essence of innocence fails lovers sometimes)
I love this bit, brings to mind (*my* mind, mind you) how a relationship can ruin two people. |
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