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Coloured dreams.
Contributed by
backstreetdreamer
on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 01:31:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Rosy red the sunset,
that once we stood before
I gave my heart and soul to you,
from then for evermore.
Orange blossom scattered,
by the gentle summer breeze
softly rested in your hair,
as we walked among the trees.
Yellow sunbeams washed your face,
like golden spun chantilly lace
green soft meadows were your bed,
and blue-white clouds the pillows
for your lovely head.
Violet twilight shadows,
bound our hearts as one
a rainbow love in paradise,
from now forever on.
Copyright ©
backstreetdreamer
... [
2004-07-02 13:31:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Coloured dreams.
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 01:34:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a wonderful poem........very colourful
pixie xx |
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Re: Coloured dreams.
(User Rating: 1 )
by kammie on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 01:36:18 PM AEST
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its one of the best poems ive ever read its very emotional!!
kammie
p.s gr8 read |
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Re: Coloured dreams.
(User Rating: 1 )
by bj111 on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 02:49:16 PM AEST
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I know I read another of your pieces. May even have commented on it. Not sure.
For this one, I like the use of colour in this but wondered if you had noticed the cliches involved. For example, rosy red, yellow sunbeams. Rather than say it, maybe show it somehow with different words less obvious. Instead of rosy red maybe a reference to something else that was rosy red (the blush of her cheeks, pale blood sunset)...that kind of thing.
Also, I'm not sure the rhyme structure works for you in this. Have you considered abandoning that for this piece? Free form but keep the pace. Believe me, iIt's not as easy as it sounds.
Anyway...liked this. Please keep on...bob |
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