|
Menu
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
I Cry for You
Contributed by
veruca
on
Wednesday, 30th June 2004 @ 01:49:56 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
as i lay in my tears at night
i wonder if i will survive
for my tears are so heavy
so i fear i may drowned
drowned in salty liquid
the liquid of my sadness
and where is my savior
for he has gone
this is why i lay in tears just not at night
but for what seems like a lifetime
Copyright ©
veruca
... [
2004-06-30 01:49:56] (Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment. That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: I Cry for You
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 30th June 2004 @ 02:47:31 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Strange name. But anyway - I think you should change the fourth line, last word to 'drown', as well as the succeedent word on the next line, as it sounds awry.
Your title was a little deflective, but I see where its coming from after having read over this a few times. Its an interesting fear, to drown in one's tears (no rhyme intended), and the inclusion of your 'saviour' brings a spiritual element into play.
Keep writing. |
|
|
|