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Retreat
Contributed by
luinil
on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 03:55:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
and now off I go
escaping from foe
not fearing the trip
cast off the great ship
wind and sail play
now I must away
retreat without sorrow
live to fight tomorrow
stroke through the sea
outwit the enemy
save strength for the fight
at morning’s first light
but tonight soundly dream
no more planning out scheme
tonight we’ll away
and live to fight another day
Copyright ©
luinil
... [
2004-06-27 15:55:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Retreat
(User Rating: 1 )
by MLCstar on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 04:45:56 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I don't know if this is supposed to be whimsical or not. the wording is good. I like it but I am just not sure what the mood is supposed to be.
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Re: Retreat
(User Rating: 1 )
by KiLin on
Friday, 6th August 2004 @ 10:18:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like the words and I like what Its about, but I'm not so sure about the flow. Maybe try counting the sylabols. Other than that I think its great. |
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