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Relics
Contributed by
jayson
on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 04:22:41 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I drift away.
My thoughts stray.
All the relics of time this earth holds.
As I think deeper,reality unfolds.
Relics are covered by the ocean,dirt and sand.
Reality slips between our hands and fragily blows away by the winds of deceit.
Cast your eyes upon the fleet of souls.
We are merely sands slipping through the undertow.
We are slipping through the hourglass.
We are surrounded by relics of present and past.
Theyare relics of truth and lies.
Which is swimming through your mind?
Which lies beneath your ocean floor?
What door have you opened and explored?
Seperate truth from lies.
Look in the eyes of destiney.
Only truth will help you stand.
Don't become a mesuem of the damned.
Copyright ©
jayson
... [
2004-06-27 04:22:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Relics
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 04:56:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Good write. Give me nuthing but the truth.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Relics
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 10:24:21 AM AEST
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very good write
pixie xx |
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Re: Relics
(User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 03:20:54 PM AEST
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| excellent write... if only we could see and accept truth as a race, but the concept of truth is facing an attempt of being eradicated from our culture and as truth ignorers, we are blind to it |
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Re: Relics
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 05:13:31 AM AEST
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A useful metaphor hampered by a confusing wording and spelling. "Reality slips . . ." Is too long, and 'fragility' should really be connected to the hourglass in a more cognizant manner. If indeed, it was 'fragility' you were intending to portray . . .
Your 'winds of deceit' turn out to be more important than I am led to believe by their inclusion, and this confused me even more, because I am unsure if you are describing me as a possible relic, or objective relics, used as a less specific metaphor.
I like the way you used water analogies, and the 'fleet of souls' was certainly notable.
However, I couldn't help but feel disappointed, as you ended with what should have been a good line, but was distracting and confusing along with the others which I have mentioned.
Welcome to YPDC.
Keep writing. |
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