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Virus
Contributed by
forever_lonely
on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 09:40:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Sanctimoniously you watch, knowing for what you wait
With pretentious intention, you become translucent
Malicious in your every beckoning thought
An illusion of magnanimous face
You lie in solemn silence, dubious in design
Alluring in your presence, atavistical in your essence
Nothing but a paradox of flesh and bones
Victim of a disease even time cannot heal
A silhouette of vagaries, a shadow of perception
Repulsively evolving into a tyrant of seclusion
Nothing but a vexation, a problem to be rendered
Slowly evanescencing, the dust within illusions eye
A virus through the eyes of men
Blemished in everyway unseen
Like death your a plague, an infamous delusion
Lying deep inside us all, just waiting to erupt
Copyright ©
forever_lonely
... [
2004-06-26 21:40:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 10:05:47 PM AEST
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You've described too many people that I've known.
I'm sure the poem came out exactly how you wanted it to because I deem this perfect.
Good job, Luke.
5 stars all the way. |
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 10:37:27 AM AEST
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well, luke, what i get from this impressive poem is that either your writing of the bad solitary humans or that we all have that quality hidden deep inside us, just waiting to come out if the right buttons are pushed, lol, im sure you will let me know how far off i really am, either way i love this, its a gorgeous write and i love the underlying mysterious qualitys:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 11:36:41 AM AEST
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very dark and grim, a great write
pixie xx |
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Monday, 28th June 2004 @ 02:09:24 AM AEST
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I can't recall the last time I saw this many memorable phrases in one piece. From "pretentious intention," to "Nothing but a paradox of flesh and bones," on up to "silhouette of vagaries"....you've out done yourself Luke. The free verse is a nice departure from your normal work (which is insanely great in it's own right), and allows you the flexibility to create magnificent lines such as those I pointed out. Take a bow, you've earned it.
Oh, and for the record: you are one of the only poets who can send me looking for the dictionary lol !!
Choking on cyanide gas,
-V.S. |
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 3rd July 2004 @ 09:11:42 AM AEST
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Oh! I like this.... AND... it's got me thinking, pondering, wondering. If you would be so kind - I'd love to know what the initial thought was that spurred this write. The disease... the virus.. the plague... Is it Love? Admittedly, maybe it's just where I am at the moment that made me think that... but... I insert Love as the subject and it seems to 'fit'. Not in the classic fairy tale sense, but rather in the aching, desperate, wanting sense.
This is fabulous! You underestimate yourself - for I came to this piece after having read a comment of yours that expressed self doubt. I gently suggest that you look again, objectively this time, at your work... you are a very talented poet!
Loving that you make me wonder and hoping to be enlightended,
SNM |
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Re: Virus
(User Rating: 1 )
by buccaneer on
Monday, 26th July 2004 @ 05:06:33 PM AEST
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HO U GOT ME PANTING THERE.
THIS IS LOVELY
PLS SEE MY POEM ON THE VALLY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH AND TELL ME WHAT U FEEL.
I LOVE BEEN A LITTLE OVER THE EDGE.
THANKS |
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