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When It Comes - Again
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Friday, 25th June 2004 @ 11:29:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
poets
|
Desperate again, I come to you
With words twisting about and through
With thoughts too large to contain
I remain
Its victim
Hoping this next time, I’ll find
A way to churn an adequate rhyme
With thoughts that I’ll go insane
In pain
The victim
Seeking answers I fight and try
To write again and learn then why
The thoughts I cannot contain
I complain
Oh! Victim
Giving in almost completely now
Once more I commit, I vow
Thoughts will not derail this train
My brain
Still victim
Losing focus and fading fast
My will to resist will never last
The thoughts take hold the reigns
In vain
I’m victim
As you can see, it has now come
Another poem is almost done
Thoughts again have been drained
I’m slain
Its victim
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-06-25 23:29:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 01:38:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Aah... you are totally enchanted to become a victim..well..I enjoyed this dark work...venkat |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 02:28:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I have gone through your other works..and now I sincerely feel that this one is not at all a dark work but a poem of real self struggle,
love.. pain..despair all are well expressed here..Its an amazing one. thanks for sharing
your feelings in all your poems..venkat |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 03:37:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, i'm not sure to begin praising this one. The aspect that most caught me was the unique structure; furthermore, I like the way lines three and four of each stanza carried the same rhyme throughout the entire piece. It gave everything a very nice flow, and an overall sense of continiuity.
One more noteworthy aspect is the cryptic message-- it takes the reader a while to figure out what "it" actually is. All in all, this is a magnificent write from top to bottom.
Plummeting to an untimely demise,
-V.S. ( 090404 ) |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 10:20:56 AM AEST
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Wow SMN....
This is one of the first i have read of yours but i think i seriously need to read more.
I love the way yo write this.
'victim' always being the last word.
Brilliant write.
No comment i could make could do it justice.
*hugs* phil xxx |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 29th June 2004 @ 04:06:22 PM AEST
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| Very nice - I liked the unique style, and the repeating refrain. Vivid and enticing, |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by holderofthestone on
Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 09:31:08 PM AEST
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| intense... I can relate with the struggle. as always an incredible piece. A++++ |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 19th July 2004 @ 06:24:48 AM AEST
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Worth the read. I'm taken by the fact that this is (i think) the first submission in a new topic. Correct me if i'm wrong.
I'm also impressed by the notion of victimisation and being in pain to complain to your brain in vain, being slain.
Perhaps I read too much into it, but I think that was too good to be unintentional . . .
Keep writing. |
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Re: When It Comes - Again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 09:59:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, how very unique. I really like the style you wrote this in and am thinking it could so easily be set to music.
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