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all is lost, but i wont quit looking for it.

Contributed by torn_skirt on Friday, 25th June 2004 @ 10:06:55 PM in AEST
Topic: insomniac

I wake up to the smell of christmas tree pine, and cold feet.
The house is silent. No screaming mother, no brother jabber, no heater kicking on.
It's still dark...it's three in the morning.
Quiet always makes me think. Sometimes it's nice, but most of the time it makes me wanna slit my wrists. I lay down and give it a try, thinking this time it will be happy. Other times-paranoid, sad, desperate. This time, my head goes right to you. it's done that a lot latley. I dont mind. I let my head take over- "do what you want" -i say to myself, and it does. I trace you're figure with the back of my eyes. First, you're just a siluette. seconds pasts and you're full....you're you. i look at your shoes. I have the same ones. I look at your eyes. Deep in your eyes. They need love, they crave acceptance. they will me in, and i go like always. I sit, i cant risist you, i like you too much. I see a slide show play. Its you and i and all the times we've spent together.all the tings we've said to eachother play quietly in the background.it makes me smile. you make me smile. you always make me happy. It feels good-i never feel this way. as i loose myself in the thoughts of us, something hits me. It hurts...not like a bruise hurt, but like a hurt deep within your soul, that you cannot fix. I long for it to be healed. It hits me again, im stuck...im stuck in your eyes. the slide show dissapears. Im left with visions of you...and other girls.they're touching you....you're touching them back. Their shoes dont match ours....they dont have the connectoin we have. they dont remember what you were wearing evertime they've seen you. Let me out....i dont like this. let me out....i want out. I thrash, and thrash.....i hit my bed. I put on my sad music.....and go back to sleep. Im the jealous person you all snicker about. I know. It's sick. Im pathetic. i wanna die.

Copyright © torn_skirt ... [ 2004-06-25 22:06:55]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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