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Broken
Contributed by
trippflip
on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 11:17:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Curious her wonders how he feels.
Is what between them for real.
Will he use her, or will she use him.
Does he hate her, or does she hate him.
She feels broken no words are spoken.
She feels it in her heart, It's tearing her apart.
Depressed her asks how he feels.
He says it's not for real, she asks why.
He says don't cry, you're just not the one.
Suicidal her grabs the gun...
She points it at her head then at her heart,
for that's why she should be dead.
This is how she parts.
He runs at her with shame.
He knows he's to blame.
He falls to the ground.
Guilt is all he's found.
He grabs the gun,
he shouts you were the one.
He points it at his heart
then at his head,
for that's why he should be dead.
He wasn't too smart.
Copyright ©
trippflip
... [
2004-06-23 23:17:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by Living_In_My_Dream on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 11:23:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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wow, wow, wow I liked this a lot a whole lot lol it was a beautiful write and it flowed together nicely and no we dont realize sometimes what we have until we lose it...
He says don't cry, you're just not the one.
Suicidal her grabs the gun...
He falls to the ground.
Guilt is all he's found.
He grabs the gun,
he shouts you were the one.
I liked those 2 parts specifically especially if you had used them togeth like that it would have gone good but I dont think it would have turned out as good as you have origanally got it...well keep it up keep it coming...
read and comment my stuff if you want Id love to hear what you think...
much love,
Dani
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Re: Broken
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 06:08:07 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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truly great poem
pixie xx |
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