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now you can have him
Contributed by
holderofthestone
on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 04:37:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I saw you both walking
holding hands in the mall
you wrapped around him
your head held so tall
I followed you both
in store after store
so this is the guy
that you left me for?
I stayed in the shadows
following you around
just watching you drag
my heart on the ground
it made me so angry
it filled me with rage
I felt like an animal
being poked in a cage
but I waited patient
not straying to far
and followed you both
out to your car
he kissed your lips
and waved you goodbye
told you he loved you
and to call him tonight
as you drove from the lot
he pulled out his keys
and reached for the door
I dont think he sees
I step from behind
on the attack
aim for his skull
swinging my bat
the first blow lands
he falls to the ground
floping and twitching
and rolling around
I stand over him
freeing my stress
as he fights to breath
I kick in his chest
he gasps for air
I let out a grin
then I start swinging
my bat again
I smash both his knees
he yells out to me
I stab him in the eye
with his fallen keys
he mutters and chokes
coughing up blood
I can tell hes hurting
but its not enough
so I tighten my grip
and swing at his face
then hit him again
your new found disgrace
just pounding and hitting
and kicking this wimp
its losing its fun
now that hes gone limp
snarling and spitting
I gather myself
now you can have him
to put back on your shelf
clean his blood from my face
then wipe my nose
he may die...
but thats how it goes
hes missing an eye
got five broke ribs
they say he'll be lucky
if he walks again
I really dont care
if he lives I'll come back
and creep once again
on your love with my bat
you ran from me
but you didnt go far
so your new love pays
he can keep all the scars
while you hold his hand
sitting next to his bed
hes fighting his coma
I hope he ends up dead
but if he fights and lives
you can kiss his mangled face
this one you replaced me with
your new found disgrace
Copyright ©
holderofthestone
... [
2004-06-23 16:37:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 04:54:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Holy crap, holder! (Sorry... there was no nice way to put it!)
Uh... Oh.... Um.... GEEZ! Yeh... you weren't kidding. That's dark! Eeesh!
I feel kind of guilty... like you do when you can't help but look at the car wreck when you pass by it. I was... I admit... reading along with great interest. So... yeh... you got me. Drew me in. But... I am ALMOST, ALMOST wishing that you were one of those poets that wrote about rainbows and lovely old trees or something. Well... nah... that's not true.... but... phew! you know?
Knocked flat,
SNM |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 05:12:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is scary....i hope it's not a true story! powerful words...
acy |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by Living_In_My_Dream on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 05:14:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
wow, I must agree with SNM that write was crazy cool lol if I were you I would have thought the same hah...
well I liked this write a lot it flowed off the tip of my tounge I could almost taste the blood very powerful I liked it a lot...your words were used so well...lol Id like to see some happy writes from you but from everything your dealing with they would be faux and they wouldnt be true unless you were really happy...I donkt know I liked this one keep it up...keep it coming...MASTERPIECE!!!
much love,
Dani |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 05:46:22 PM AEST
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| definitely powerful... i hate you have to feel that way, hope it gets better soon * |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 08:47:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
well that was quite a read. your rhythm and your style - there's just no faulting it....
your topic choice is very dramatic but you've described it well, in the kind of way that lulls the reader into accepting an act they would normally repulse them....if you know what i mean?
well done and i hope the feelings within this poem are a part of your past now. |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 07:09:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow this is very sad and heart wrenching... *hugs you*
pixie xx |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 27th June 2004 @ 05:05:48 AM AEST
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Well I read it all and thanks for saying it's jus words up front. If u hadn't sadi that I would have believed u. It's so real.
Thank God u didn't tho. very good writing.
course I don't really go for the dark stuff but 'cause it's yours I read.
luv, huggs, thanks,
emy
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 08:51:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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f*ck yeah! this was awesome. i loved the gore, i was draw deeply into this and was like wow when i finished. then i went and read it again lol
now this is the kind of poetry i like alot.
beautiful in my opinon.
loved it.
Arden |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by Terry on
Wednesday, 21st July 2004 @ 10:46:53 AM AEST
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| I didn't like this poem because of the content in it. It's like a real life account or something you would see on TV. |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackholesun on
Saturday, 2nd October 2004 @ 12:32:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this is dramatically dark and twisted,yet i have had day dreams of bashing the opposite sex i can feel where you are coming from,my name is Brittany i would like to chat sometime,if you are intrested in sick or tortured poetry check out my poems plz! |
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Re: now you can have him
(User Rating: 1 )
by outsider on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 03:42:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well written, I have to say, and great construction, reads like a fresh memory.
I don't know if its a true tale or just words as you say at the top but either way you get the reader hooked. Well done Mr Stone. |
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