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Bouquet of Amaranths
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 04:41:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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Sweet rhapsody nightbirds compose
Such tune dispels the darkest woes
Her lumined frame eludes repose
Ears fixed upon the song that flows
Hands tightly clasp her lover's rose
Mere hours since he doth propose
Her lips repeat his poems and prose
In fortune's gleam her spirit glows
Toward balcony, she ambles forth
Her path alight by star of north
With doors flung wide terrace awaits
Impending scene delineates
Evening calm paints tones serene
She steps out to the mezzanine
Wind whips soft hair and silk-spun robe
This perch gives view of moonlit globe
Arms open out and eyes draw closed
In gratitude a prayer is posed
Her solemn words spoken with grace
They resonate through air and space
Glimm'ring stars above interlace
Patterns outline her lover's face
Prayer's final word voiced with a sigh
Such silent joy brought her to cry
Through fulgid tears her eyes descry
A sign that's fallen from the sky
Dropped at her feet, in starlight's hue
Each stem agleam with spark'ling dew
Nine amaranths bound as corsage
Fadeless symbol, crimson collage
The scent a dulcet potpourri
Pervades night air so pleasingly
By caring hand, each one arranged
Exemplifies a bond unchanged
From ribbon hangs a small white card
Hand-penned note; a gift from her bard
"My truest love, take this bouquet I leave for thee
Now in bloom, our lifetime blossoms accordingly
I bestow 'pon thee the gift of eternity
Presented on the eve of our matrimony"
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2004-06-23 04:41:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 04:48:33 AM AEST
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Incredable write this masterpeice is.
each-n-every line captivates.
Awesome!
luv, huggs, congrats,
emy |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 05:00:31 AM AEST
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I can trust you to enlighten me at least a few times with novel approaches (ones which, at least I haven't thought about before) to rhyming subject, within each submission you conjure; I like 'moonlit globe' and 'out to the mezzanine', as well as 'dulcet potpourri' . . . I could go on, but you get the point.
The rhythm does falter in parts, I found, as 'Mere hours since he doth propose', in the 2nd doesn't quite fit, and in the 4rth, 'Glimm'ring stars above interlace' interrupts the flow somewhat - yet overall, they are imperfections that dissolve into the background of what is, as usual, a highly expressive and contemplative poem.
Thanks for writing it. |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 06:23:22 AM AEST
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| Exceptionally beautiful..very delightful bouquet of amaranths ....venkat |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 07:38:49 AM AEST
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Wind whips soft hair and silk-spun robe
This perch gives view of moonlit globe
Arms open out and eyes draw closed
In gratitude a prayer is posed
simply lovely lines - I watched the beauty of this scene unfold.
yes -very nice. |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 08:27:03 AM AEST
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Beautiful, Dan . . . unique and skillfully written. But then, just look at the author :P. "In fortune's gleam her spirit glows"-- I love that, IloveitIloveitIlove it.
I agree with neptune, the rhythm doesn't lie quiiiite flat in a place or two, but overall it's a truly mellifluous (communal word :D) poem^^.
chocolate, aarkvarks, love, poetry, you get the idea :P,
Nora |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 11:37:11 AM AEST
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"ROMEO,ROMEO, wherefore art though Romeo" *wakes myself* Oh... this was exquisite in the romance category!!!
*lays bouquets at your feet* Well done!!!!!
Flow, rhythm, flawless beauty!
Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eve on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 11:56:00 AM AEST
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As 'rigid' as my standards are for poetry, I still didn't notice any clash of flow. If anything, it only adds to the emotion.
If all vows were written with such perfection, there wouldn't be a need for conflict.
Keep writing or become Kid Rock,
-Eve. |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by brigitte7735 on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 02:10:41 PM AEST
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I think its one of the best things you have ever written, it takes the romantic grandeur of Curtain Call and applies it to a real life situation, with all the thankfulness and emotion involved with finding love. Of course perhaps i just relate to this more at this time in my life....
It is , to refer back to an earlier comment, the modern day equivalent of the balcony scene in romeo and juliet, and i know I'm the luckiest girl in the world right now.
It captures my breath every time i read even a single line and refuses to return it, but i give you all my breath, all my life, i lay before and worship the brilliance that is you.
With love , always and forever
Vanessa ( 090404 ) |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 09:06:03 PM AEST
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Another superb write. You always send me scrambling to the dictionary, but the words you choose are always chosen with depth and flair. Hey, how do you do italics? I keep trying, and I must be doing it wrong because it never works. Sorry, off the subject. Love the whole idea of this. Fantastical!
Stitch |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 01:02:09 AM AEST
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OH! OH! OH! My but this is gorgeous!!!!!! I would not have thought it possible - but, yes! I agree with Vanessa... it rivals Curtain Call and does so with a eloquence that I have no words to describe! I had seriously doubted that anything would ever be able to have Curtain Calls' impact.... but this most certainly does. It is, even, more intimate, more endearing... WOW. Yeh. Utterly, entirely amazing.
I've been through it more than once... and cannot see any hiccups. I find the flow... well... perfect. Beautifully, beautifully done Dan!
Ah but the romantic fool in me is wondering, perhaps a little TOO much, about that last line...
SNM |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 07:04:05 PM AEST
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Once again my friend i am left to watch as your talent rises far beyond the of an normal human, you truely possess that lionheart spirit and it shows within your writes, as it does in this one, a beautiful expression of ones gift, particularly..
'Her solemn words spoken with grace
They resonate through air and space
Glimm'ring stars above interlace
Patterns outline her lover's face'
To call this amazing would be an insult, so i shall leave you with the only thing i can come up with that expresses the amzement i feel when i read this glorious write,
...... drops dead ......
Luke
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by xSlashXPrettyXSkinx on
Monday, 28th June 2004 @ 05:35:35 PM AEST
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I surely do not have the beautiful comments of all these other poets, and I have no room to critique seeing as my ability is no where near yours... but yes, Dan, this IS a truly beautiful and amazing piece. You exceeded all expectations with this one. I was wondering how you'd outdo 'Curtain Call' but it seems to have been easy for you. Understandably so. You have a nack. And you now have the muse. So, keep writing. I'll keep reading in *awe* and we'll both wait for the moment when you are published and I am first in line to buy the book. (ok, maybe second, I'm sure Vanessa would like that honor). She is very lucky Dan. You are something special, and she has all the luck in the world to be marrying you. :) It's the happily ever after you always wanted. And I wanted for you too.
Thank you sooooo much for writing this, sharing this and being you Dan. No matter what bumps we have hit, we always manage to slide past them and have a friendship that is still very strong. And I do love that we still have that. Thank you for that too.
*Leaving before she gets TOO mushy*
Lindsey |
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Re: Bouquet of Amaranths
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Tuesday, 6th July 2004 @ 04:12:31 PM AEST
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*shuts mouth*
wow.... where do i begin? lol
perfectly flawless.
the rhyme was simply unreal. i wish i could do somthing like this lol
this goes beyond beautiful, amazing, any word i can think of. by far one of the best poems i have read all day, all week actually. a true masterpiece. loved it.
Arden |
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