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Last Thread
Contributed by
jt
on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 08:48:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
This curse I have become
Cure me as you taste my tears
Trembling, you have felt my fears
Hold me as I come undone
I watch the clock, time stands still
Trapped inside this nightmare
Inside a world that isn’t fair
I am the fool upon the hill
A thought so heavy in my head
Can you, will you share the weight
A life I cannot recreate
Realities last thread
Copyright ©
jt
... [
2004-06-17 20:48:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Last Thread
(User Rating: 1 )
by pyrofairyburning on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 09:00:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It was a good poem, but there was a fragment of a thought in it.(last stanza) Try to connoect them or complete it, and on which hill are you ? I think where are the hill you may be would be good addition as well. Like at the foot of the means you have struggle ahead, etc. I don't mean it in a bad way, just trying to give constructive criticism. 7 and ½ out of 10. |
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Re: Last Thread
(User Rating: 1 )
by Living_In_My_Dream on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 09:06:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I personally owuldn't change a thing about this...I loved it...It was your emotions and your feelings you cant change them you cant change the way you write them either...I enjoyed it keep it up....
read and comment my stuff if you want, Id love to hear what you think
much love,
Dani
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Re: Last Thread
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 18th June 2004 @ 06:34:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow, this is amazing,
pixie xx |
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