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Self-Conscious Stripper
Contributed by
brigitte7735
on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 09:43:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Shackled by speech, our heroine unsure
Eradicate grief, summoned by Satan's lure
Lioness in leopard cremates the cure
Face the battered world as her own saviour
Captivates sleaze with a whirlwind fervor
Order carries with her demeanor demure
Nude earns a name with her naked couture
Shadows give fame to her exhibit grandeur
Indulge as a spectate, carnage impure
Offered a taste of her luscious liqueur
Under the spell of her priceless allure
Service to sell, self-indulgence ensure
Shocked awake from her dangerous detour
Tries to shake this inner voice obscure
Refuge sought, need someone to reassure
In hearts of gold and power to endure
Picture of perfect, but still insecure
Product of neglect, searching for closure
Even as she stays classically immature
Reigns in her skills as an entrepreneur
Copyright ©
brigitte7735
... [
2004-06-15 21:43:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 09:51:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| interesting topic presented well. strong use of vocabulary. |
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:11:11 PM AEST
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I like it. Verbiage is clear. Point well presented. I don't see it as dark, maybe more life poetry than we care to accept. True for so many in different situations.
Rita |
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Tuesday, 15th June 2004 @ 11:11:47 PM AEST
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| well written |
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 06:19:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow this was great ..... really loved it
pixie xx |
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 09:36:16 AM AEST
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Different for sure but not dark at all.
Well done overall.
Odd to end every sentence the same but you kept it from becomming meaningless dribble the whole way. |
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Re: Self-Conscious Stripper
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Monday, 28th June 2004 @ 08:09:37 PM AEST
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A very interesting subject, not dark, but as you say, it is not light either
I enjoyed this, it painted a picture with the words, each letter a colour every time your vocabulary expanded to fit, you shaded the painting to give it structure
Another wonderful write
Well done and thankyou for sharing it
Luke |
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