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I've Come Undone
Contributed by
Joker17
on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 07:49:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I’m on my outside looking in
To see what people see.
It seems I often hide away
The better parts of me.
I show my insecurities
But my depression can’t be seen
I’m a master of disguises
And I’m so caught in between.
I don’t have much self confidence
And I see that I can be shy
I over-explain my emotions
And sometimes break down and cry.
And I’ll tell you I’m not brilliant
And my voice won’t carry a tune
My eyes want to see the sunshine
But they show the dark of the moon.
I’m just me, that’s not good enough
For me, or maybe not anyone
I’ve seen me rise above sometimes
But I’m lost, and I’ve Come Undone.
Copyright ©
Joker17
... [
2004-06-09 19:49:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Pyrochick on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 07:56:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
~kat lat-rz~ |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by RhythmBndt on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 07:59:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good poem :) |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 08:09:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| another great poem, im such a fan of ur work, i love it |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 08:21:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like this poem joker.... and can definitely relate.
I'm one to hide what i'm feeling - pretending everything's okay and that i'm unaffected - even if that couldn't be further from the truth. Wanting to express feelings but not sure how - or what would happen if i did.
Great job mate :) |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 09:35:20 PM AEST
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| I liked the sentiment - you could improve it by losing some of the extra words in here- it was so interesting, and I think it would be more powerful yet it you kept a better pace |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by lanz on
Thursday, 10th June 2004 @ 01:09:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| this poem is awesome, you are really talented. reading that poem makes me want to cry, because it represents how i feel exactly. your poem is very powerful, and i admire you for being able to vent your feelings in such an effective way |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dawny on
Thursday, 10th June 2004 @ 08:49:24 AM AEST
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Excellent poem, flows really well. Very touching
Love Dawny x |
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Re: I've Come Undone
(User Rating: 1 )
by willow_tara72002 on
Monday, 14th June 2004 @ 01:02:18 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This ones good. I can relate because i dont think im good enough and i had my depression, and over explain my emotions,. i feel alot of what you described, and its a good write, and how you used your words
-Amber |
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