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Anymore
Contributed by
yellow_sundragon
on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 04:18:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
It's like I'm walking in a dream,
Everything's not as they'd have it seem.
And I just can't open up my eyes,
Am I the only one left who tries?
I sit and tell my mind to wake,
But this, I just can't seem to shake.
I know I wasn't like this before,
But my brain won't work anymore.
I look around and see you all,
Can't you hear my screaming call?
I know I'm trying to communicate,
Please answer, don't just hesitate.
Can't you see me here like this?
Do you think I'm sitting here in bliss?
My body's starting to vegetate,
I can't wake up from this state.
And now I can't get any sleep,
I know I've gotton far too deep.
Now it's too late to realize,
But I just want to close my eyes.
Jaime Moran
Copyright ©
yellow_sundragon
... [
2004-06-09 16:18:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zaf_Stud on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 04:30:12 PM AEST
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| Brainy write & Classy description of something that is felt alot but is said less.
Appreciative piece of work! Keep writing Poet....
Zaf_Stud |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 04:38:16 PM AEST
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Well done! This is indeed very elegant. Heartfelt as well. Keep it up!
And I hope your path staightens soon. Remember, these things teach us in the end. And they will end.
Andrew |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 05:10:34 PM AEST
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Dear Jaime.......
I was mezmerised by your poem Jaime......I've been there in dreams......and your description was fantastic indeed. That's just the way I feel in a dream......"Hey I'm here can you see me?"
It's obvious that you put alot of hard work and thought into this poem.......and it shows. You deserve the highest marks!
I like the way you printed this up in italics drew more attention to the "dreamy" effect.
Great work my friend! Keep em coming.....I pray you will feel better soon.
love you with hugs galore
consue |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 05:35:20 PM AEST
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Jamie, sweetie, some of us seem to emit a strength on the outside that isn't really there on the inside. But the facade works well when needed. It is just hard for others to accept that we have weaknesses also when we do need their strength. Hang in there and I am here if you need me.
Rita |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 08:49:27 PM AEST
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Powerful and desperate all at the same time.
a very moving piece of work |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by LOWMAN613 on
Wednesday, 9th June 2004 @ 11:10:20 PM AEST
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Great work on this poem,I hope things will get better for you in due time it will!
Christina |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 10th June 2004 @ 08:49:05 AM AEST
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Jaime,
This is very touching to see that you can express such pain and it be felt through a screen. We've all been there at some point in our lives ,often times remaining in the facade so no one sees our pain. Expression is a great doorway to letting out the inside pain.
Keep writing! We're all here holding the door for you!
Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 06:31:55 PM AEST
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| I'm sensing something that goes beyond the words on the page.... I may be wrong, but... I do like poems that give you that feeling. The power of this one, I think, it not only the words but something that lives right behind or in between them. It is a well written and strong poem. Nicely done! |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by RhythmBndt on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 06:32:57 PM AEST
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| Thanx for the comment you left me :) You're poem is very beautiful too. |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 06:33:47 PM AEST
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i can really relate to this.
so greatly written, i loved the flow of it. so full of deep dark emotion. truely great work.
loved this.
Arden |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 11:15:22 PM AEST
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| I understand how you feel, it seems as if all your friends are gone or they just don't have time for you. Times like that really stink. |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 12th June 2004 @ 06:01:39 AM AEST
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beautiful poem sweetie, hang in there, love you! nessa xxx...
@->>->:- |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by SweetRhythm on
Wednesday, 16th June 2004 @ 08:13:28 AM AEST
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Just Excellent. Your call out is amazing. The reader truly feels your suffering. Remarkable write. Very good poem. Thanks for sharing.
Corinna |
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Re: Anymore
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th November 2004 @ 07:47:01 AM AEST
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*another hug for the tally* This is just beautifully heart-wrenching sis. I wish I could be there for you....
*Huggles again*
Your sis
- Becca |
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