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Green Sky in a Room
Contributed by
Ina
on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 11:32:04 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Green lemonade by the bed
like carbonated vomit
clears her rag body
of seductive toxins
her skin feels
like a freshly washed bathrobe
but smells like
urine tests
Forgive me for not being her daughter; a bloody angel
Neon signs in my eyes scream:
“Mommy is a drunk Star!”
stumbling in the sky holding her head up for support
and the rest sing in unison:
“crush crush the clouds!”
ah, stars are silly when one is burning out
Copyright ©
Ina
... [
2004-06-08 11:32:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ina on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 11:34:46 AM AEST
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I am sorry I posted this poem twice...if someone who has "power" could delete this one for me I would appreciate it so very very much.
It's all the double clicking I do...crap. |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by reilt on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 12:07:00 PM AEST
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| what a wonderfully written poem...beautiful and sad...i am in awe of your tremendous talent |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 12:31:27 PM AEST
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| Terrific. |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 07:06:02 PM AEST
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Nice imagery of a drunken mother. I mean nice use of imagery to describe your mother.
Did that sound right? Well, I liked this. :-)
Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cancer on
Tuesday, 8th June 2004 @ 11:08:35 PM AEST
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no matter what you're writing about, the words always seem to carry a certain power and a slippery feeling of gleeful doom. i hope that makes as much sense to you as it does to me.
speaking of this scrawl exclusively, "brilliant" is the only word i can identify out of the swarm that it spawned in my head.
51 |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 21st August 2004 @ 03:59:29 PM AEST
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You have such a unique voice! This... is powerful... I absolutely love the last two lines! No 'woe is me', no 'I hate you'.... just what it is, as it is/was, and... enough strength in this write for the reader to understand it as bigger than the words on the page. Wow.
Very impressed,
SNM |
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Re: Green Sky in a Room
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Tuesday, 7th December 2004 @ 05:15:31 PM AEST
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Cool, I found another great poet on this site. I think you have a great imagination. I look forward to reading more of your poems. You have the craziest imagery. Literally insane! I love it.
Green lemonade by the bed
like carbonated vomit
clears her rag body
of seductive toxins
her skin feels
like a freshly washed bathrobe
but smells like
urine tests
lol...this is absurd, hilarious, yet it is wonderfully expressed. Your descriptions are unique. her skin feels liek a freshly washed bathrobe. What? Insane! Hilarious! lol, I can't believe you wrote this. But I love it, I don't want you to think that I'm making fun of you. I think this is crazy original, it definitely takes you (the reader) outside of your box of normal poetry, and this I love, because it expands the mind.
Very interesting. I could highlight the rest of the poem and comment on it, but I don't want to be too repetetive. I have a feeling all of your poetry is going to be this original. Nice.
Be True,
zenmind |
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