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A Shadow of what used to be
Contributed by
sweetansexy
on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 06:59:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Glimpses of a time past
haunts my memory
A time when you left me breathless
in your presence
A time when we danced
in the moonlight to the
song that played in our hearts
What happened to those days?
What happened to the time when
I love you meant just that?
As the eclipse of our love reaches its peak
there is no more light
only a shadow of what used to be.
Copyright ©
sweetansexy
... [
2004-06-07 06:59:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Shadow of what used to be
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 07:10:24 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I'll take this oppotunity to firstly say welcome to the forum, i see that ytou're our newest member and secondly to say well done on your poem, I really liked it, keep em coming
takecare
Pixie xx |
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Re: A Shadow of what used to be
(User Rating: 1 )
by AcrosticCacophany on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 11:27:55 AM AEST
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a Message)
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And I'll just take this occasion to start my career.
I don't want to complain, but anyone who's particular about grammar will be offset by the first two lines, and a bad start often takes the shine out of even the brightest star. The metaphor at the end was rather enchanting, but the more I look at it the less it complements the preceding passage. On it's own it's beautiful, I assure you, but with the other stanza in context dancing in moonlike and solar eclipses don't go together all that well. Other than that, the poem takes to the abstact beauty that can only be ordained by words, and for that you deserve praise, good job.
"Telltale accuracy reveals naught but fear of failure."
~Acrostic Cacophany
(The Wordslayer) |
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