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Lifeless
Contributed by
blueheart
on
Thursday, 3rd June 2004 @ 08:59:57 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
The tide has fallen, companions have gone,
Hear fading breaths, this soul is torn,
Dragged through endless depths, his death reborn,
The lifeless cloak he soon adorns.
His piquant spirit has begun to wane,
Lacklustre mortal soon to be slain,
Cumbersome burdens bursting through veins,
Departing from the world, he leaves no stains.
Copyright ©
blueheart
... [
2004-06-03 20:59:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rylo on
Thursday, 3rd June 2004 @ 09:06:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was a great read, I am going to be reading more of your work. Great job. |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by InnerBeautyQueen on
Thursday, 3rd June 2004 @ 09:36:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow... this flows really well!
I like you're last two lines:
Cumbersome burdens bursting through veins,
Departing from the world, he leaves no stains.
! |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 6th June 2004 @ 06:48:51 AM AEST
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Very sad but written well.
Hang tuff my friend.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 12:03:17 AM AEST
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very realistic line.."Cumbersome burdens bursting through veins". A good poem with touch of sad feeling...venkat
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Saturday, 12th June 2004 @ 11:39:29 AM AEST
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this was awesome, really dark and kinda creepy. this was very good. i really liked it.
hope to see more like this.
Arden |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 07:11:05 AM AEST
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Ahhh that final surrender...to fatigue, despair or the inevitability of the world. I have always find such acts to be better than to force ourselves to be cheerful and to go on in denial....you have captured here the essence of surrender and acceptance... that final stillnes and descent into the warm slumber of the embrace of the inevitable.. a very nice write to my opinion!
"Sink...sink...deep into the mire....wallow in it and accept the all emcompassing embrace of the inevitable..why flounder around in such waste of energy and struggle???" |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 09:22:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| excellent write. |
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