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Weatherman
Contributed by
spike
on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 06:36:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
mystical
|
I can feel it, behind my eyes,
The building thunder in darkening skies
The bolts of lightening starting to charge,
And the imminent storm, looming large.
My blood pulses through my veins,
Like raging waters across the plains
Like molten liquid deep in the core,
Of my inner self, hot and pure.
The pressure‘s building before the venting,
The coming tempest unrelenting
The seismic tremors preamble pain,
The violent change to old terrain.
But in the centre of the maelstrom,
The eye of calm, already half-formed
Dynamic tension holding sway,
A transformation is under way.
And in the crucible of my heart,
The baser emotions are set apart
As higher feelings swell and grow,
The banks are set to overflow.
And in my mind, a climate change,
Thoughts and memories re-arrange
I am elemental, competing,
Like the worlds ‘ weather forever, but fleeting.
And now here’s the weather in your part of the world...…
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2004-06-01 06:36:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 07:07:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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WoW!! Very descriptive. Has a great flow and is a compelling read. High marks for this one, spike!
Thumps ; 0 ) |
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 07:11:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Agreed, I got pulled in from the very first line and the whole piece was thrilling from start to finish. Kudos for such an intense poem. |
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by StrangeLittleGirl on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 07:23:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Nice to read, flows well, great poem :) |
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by Princesaazul16 on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 08:19:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice job. I just saw The Day After Tomorrow. This poem kind of reminds me of that movie, in a way. Well anyways, good job, keep up the good work!
~Stace~ |
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by Luinil on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 08:56:52 AM AEST
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| i was thinking of the day after tomorrow too! this poem is absolutely fantastic.. your metaphors are incredible. great job! |
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Re: Weatherman
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 12th June 2004 @ 08:25:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh, I completely agree! Perfectly structured and holds the attention of the reader all the way through. This is incredibly well done! I am quite impressed!
Hope you don't mind one small suggestion - because it really it a remarkable piece. I struggled, though just a tad, with the very last line. I thought perhaps it needed to be shortened up a bit... maybe:
I am elemental, competing,
As weather - forever, but fleeting.
Nice, nice write!
- SNM
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