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Waiting To Be Found
Contributed by
JadedExistence
on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 09:39:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Clouds rolling across the sky
Thunder and rain cover the cry
Blood flowing from her veins
Pooling on the earth in a dark red stain
Eyes glowing in the dark
The blade in his hand makes another mark
The tortured scream causes his lips to twist
The sound of pain, something he missed
As the blood pours, her life drains away
Her eyes dimming as she quietly lay
The rain pounding on the ground
Her eyes open, waiting to be found
Copyright ©
JadedExistence
... [
2004-05-31 21:39:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by lilch4ever on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 09:47:03 PM AEST
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| I liked that. I really loved the way it rhymed. Well written. |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 10:22:59 PM AEST
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Looks perfectly dark to me!! I don't see that any changes need to be made.
I wondered where you have been. Time you got back here.
Hugs,
Rita |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by jbrow on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 10:46:30 PM AEST
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great, great, great, write keep up the great work you have lot of feeling in this one
p's
Gene |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by mdmorash on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 11:37:28 PM AEST
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| Haunting imagry, and well writen. Bravo. |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 12:00:17 AM AEST
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good poem although I don't get why u kept on switching from male to female. overall it was a good poem though.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 12:08:58 AM AEST
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| This is sooo good,you don't need any help with this...it's well written. |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by DragonLuvSong on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 12:41:17 PM AEST
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| i think it is very good, for a begining. maybe if you weren't confined to rhyming you would be able to write more of what you want. I find it easier if i write my poetry not to rhyme, then you can have whatever you want. and also if it doesn't rhyme, you don't have to pair the stanzas, you can make them however long you want. it seems cut off, like the lines aren't finished. i think that if you broke out of rhyming you could make the piece very good. |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by screwup on
Tuesday, 1st June 2004 @ 01:03:30 PM AEST
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| I have great respect for your poetry, and I don't think it needs a bit of work... I really like this one. Funny though, I'm having the same problem. Perhaps you can help me...pm me sometime. |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 08:24:13 AM AEST
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Wow! if this is you having trouble, i cant wait to read some normal poetry!
This is really good. i dont think any changes need to be made.
I do understand though...im having trouble writing at the moment.
Nothing ever seems good when its like that does it.
Trust me, this is a great write.
*hugs you* phil xxx |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by grip-wth-broken-fingers on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 04:36:12 PM AEST
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| nice write inreguing ythank you xgripx |
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Re: Waiting To Be Found
(User Rating: 1 )
by AmyLee4Ever on
Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 01:52:42 AM AEST
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This was a great poem. The thing that was confusing was the fact that I didn't know if you were talking about a guys or a girl. Why did you keep switching? Anyways, good write...
Jodi |
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