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encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Saturday, 29th May 2004 @ 10:02:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
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Golden translucence covers the sky like a blanket,
saying farewell to the day, as azure atmosphere fades away;
Strands of brilliance blend into shades of pure midnight,
forming tarnished needles of dusk sewn into the sky;
The coming night appears suffocating and heavy,
unfamiliar mourning as sunlight fades to night,
blurring the world as velvet layers close in over me,
fused together with the day to form natures delight.
Eyes, declaring themselves witnesses to days final breath,
create natural prism's of sunlight and emotion...
...ardent pleas for the perfection to never end;
Slowly the tears begin to overflow...
...crystal drops of anguish creating ripples through the aging air.
As my heart tries to match the beauty in the heavens,
for this magnificent specatcle, opposing the darkness in my own heart,
opens up new windows, lets the emotions fly free,
and i feel so alone....encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun...
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2004-05-29 10:02:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Saturday, 29th May 2004 @ 10:14:18 AM AEST
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*applauds*
Well, I like it, so you hush, Phil :P. It's beautiful (especially lines 3 and 4, which are awwwwesome), powerful, emotional, painful, eloquent, and all-around just as awesome as I told you it was gonna be^^.
And nothing you say can change my mind :P.
*hugs*
--Nora |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by msnider on
Saturday, 29th May 2004 @ 02:58:07 PM AEST
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| wonderful poem...very descriptive. I could see the scene in my mind. Though the lines are long and unrhymed, the poem flows beautifully. Excellent job! |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 29th May 2004 @ 03:00:04 PM AEST
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The imagery is wonderful.You have managed to fill the mind with the night approaching. Except for a minor spellcheck the poem is very artistic. (sp.~ fused,blurring) Minor I tell ya.The poem is awesome!
Angel always...godspeed...joni
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by bttrflynajar on
Saturday, 29th May 2004 @ 04:09:53 PM AEST
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this is a wonderful write, its descriptions are so vivid, and so deep...i am feeling really deep now, lol, you really captured the big picture, and you give a life like sense of insecurity to your readers with these two lines.opens up new windows, lets the emotions fly free,
and i feel so alone....encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun...
~bttRfLy~.. |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 30th May 2004 @ 04:43:48 PM AEST
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Lovely job! I like the places where internal rhyme shows up (simple end-rhyme is too ubiquitous anyway). Beautiful picture.
Andrew |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Monday, 31st May 2004 @ 09:12:05 AM AEST
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| Hey I have missed reading your poetry so much, they are always beautiful and thought-provoking. Reading this reveals that your poetry has shown so much growth. I'll definitely read this again and again, especially if you decide to add some more verses to it. |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Thursday, 3rd June 2004 @ 08:43:07 AM AEST
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I like it. I have one suggestion. Try to avoid the word "like." Instead, try
Golden translucent blanket covers the sky
or something like that. I love the words in this. They are just delicious.
Stitch |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by alecfernadez on
Friday, 4th June 2004 @ 03:00:55 PM AEST
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| I loved this, it was so beautifully visual, it was incredible |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Black13 on
Monday, 7th June 2004 @ 11:16:19 AM AEST
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I can't think of anything you could change.
I have to wonder how it looked as 5 stanzas now though. :) |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Friday, 11th June 2004 @ 01:38:28 PM AEST
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girl you should be proud of this wonderful, awesome, great piece of work.
it was amazing. very well done.
i loved this.
Arden |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Sunday, 13th June 2004 @ 09:38:08 AM AEST
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| Wow, it's amazing how you could capture exactly how I (and many others) feel when I witness something unspeakably beautiful and feel so overwhelmed and - unbearably alone. The final line really hit me, very beautiful. |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 06:44:18 PM AEST
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This is poetry at it's finest. Vivid mental images allowed me to see this as you saw it. Very well done
Larry
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 05:56:58 AM AEST
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Wow!!..wonderful painting..what a vivid description..this is a marvellous poem
on Nature's beauty...:-) venkat |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 10th July 2004 @ 11:39:47 PM AEST
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absolutely beautiful from your title to last well woven word, hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 28th July 2004 @ 09:08:06 PM AEST
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Magnificient title and the poem was excellent.
I wouldn't change a thing.
You have depth wow do you have it to draw upon.
Kie |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 01:46:38 PM AEST
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Oh! I like this! I can't believe you weren't happy with it, Phil--- and I'm so glad you left the second stanza.... it personalizes it. I love the ending --
As my heart tries to match the beauty in the heavens,
for this magnificent specatcle, opposing the darkness in my own heart,
opens up new windows, lets the emotions fly free,
and i feel so alone....encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun...
That, for me, was the 'POW!' part... the part that makes the reader understand something more... This is where it becomes obvious that the piece is not just about the moment... but about the writer in that moment. And the entire thing becomes bigger, more powerful, more moving then. (Ok... um... at least that's what I thought...)
Beautifully done!,
SNM |
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Re: encompassed by the beauty of the dying sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 21st October 2005 @ 11:27:08 PM AEST
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Oh Philly!!! I know this is an old one, but I could NOT let it fly
by without a comment. Holy crap this is so breathtaking!!
I especially loved this line
"crystal drops of anguish creating ripples through the aging air".
SHEER GENIUS!!
So beautiful. SO SO SO beautiful !!
~Breezy
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