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Beginning to My lonely Journey
Contributed by
Fairy
on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 08:26:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
In the past year, I've matured more that I have my whole life. Mostly, in the past year, I've dealt with things that most kids my age don't have to experience yet. I've moved around dozens of times, gone to over nine different schools and have been forced into a world of responsibility that I wasn't ready to handle. I've lost both my parents without warning. I've had to deal with guilt and responsibility of someone else's life. My mother had a lot of problems, some that still effect me to this day. I've had to learn and except that I could not of prevented my mom from dying and that it was her time to go. I've also had to believe and know that my mom loves me, which something I hope and pray that kids will never have to question about their parents. I was forced into learning and facing things that have happened to me throughout the years.
"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved."
- Victor Hugo
In the past year, I've moved to Kansas, started life out brand new and got to know my dad. My dad is one of the greatest people I know. I'm sure every child says that at one time or another, but my dad is so brave and strong. My dad and mom were married for twenty-five years and then got a divorce. Before my parents were able to receive three healthy kids, my mom had six miscarriages. After twenty-five years of marriage, my mom decides one day to leave my dad and took my sister and I with her. My childhood memories are not memories of family trips or going to church on Sundays. Those memories, instead, are replaced by drunken fights, my brother running away, me always feeling rejected, and always knowing deep inside, that something about my family life was missing. I was too young to realize what was happening to my parents and my own life.
"Love is not what we become, but what we already are."
- Steven Levine
I've learned things like, 'Love yourself for who you are, not for what people see in a mirror.' I just recently have started to forgive myself for my parents' problems and for not being old enough to see the signs that indicated something was seriously wrong. I was the last person to see both my mom and dad alive. That has been a lot of weight to carry around on my shoulders. My dad died almost four months ago, and I still expect to hear his voice when I wake up in the mornings and I miss being able to call him twenty times a day to just say,"Hey", and see what he is doing. Being forced to deal with the reality of my dad's death, just one year after I saw my mom die, is an overwhelming emotion. Some days I despise people, for no apparent reason, just because they have parents and take things for granted.
I've matured in the sense that I don't have parents who will always be a phone call away . The two people who will love me unconditionally, my mom and dad, have passed away and are now in Heaven. I know my parents are with me, where ever I go and that missing them is something that'll always be intense. I might not be able to go to bed on time or always get to school in the mornings, but I'm doing the best that I can with what I've got in life. My dad taught me to always try my hardest and that as long as I'm honest to myself, everything will be alright.
There are many things that I still have not confronted in my life yet, but as my dad would say, "I'm doing the best that I can."
"What we call the beginning is often the end.
And to make an end is to make an beginning.
The end is where we start from."
-T.S.Eliot
Copyright ©
Fairy
... [
2004-05-27 20:26:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Beginning to My lonely Journey
(User Rating: 1 )
by fbijedi on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 11:26:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Hey, I feel for you and respect your strength! You've gone through so much and came out on the other side, that makes you a fighter. Keep being strong, you're in my prayers! |
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