|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Eating Away At My Soul
Contributed by
bttrflynajar
on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 11:12:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
every mornings just the same
i wake up angry with no one to blame.
the lonely scale determines my mood
my empty stomache dieing with out food.
the mirror stands before me.
reflecting the me i hate
and still i stand and wait
for my body to meet its fate.
i watch with my breath a bait
my body met its fate.
and so suddenly
its the tragic end of me.
Copyright ©
bttrflynajar
... [
2004-05-26 23:12:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Eating Away At My Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vermillion on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 06:03:56 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
i really enjoyed this poem, please let me know when you completely finish it
~vermillion~ |
|
|
Re: Eating Away At My Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Trisha on
Thursday, 27th May 2004 @ 09:59:16 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I really like this poem. Can you let me know when you finish this poem. You're doing good
so far I think. |
|
|
Re: Eating Away At My Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Friday, 28th May 2004 @ 12:06:59 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A Nice write but it should have a end of some sort .
Ya kinda left us hanging.. Perhap if I might suggest....a little shuffle of lines.
Like:
every morning....i wake....the lonely...my mood
empty stomache dieing with out food."
"
i watch with my breath a bait
my body met its fate..
As the mirror stands before me.
reflecting the me i hate.
and still I stand and wait.".....
And so suddenly
its the tragic end of me."
or something like that. Hope it helps.
Whisper
|
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
