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Our Comfortable Surroundings
Contributed by
coaster
on
Wednesday, 26th May 2004 @ 12:03:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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At which you give, as at which I’ll take
Combined surfaces are at which we’ll make
And the dreams in reality may only seem to be fake
But the connection between us is at which keeps our minds awake
No coincidence to me babe with all the things we can relate
These emotions I have for you are at what my mind states
Through the pressure upon love there is no room for the hate
And the combination of our worlds will rely on our fate
I don’t know how much longer the road can get that we create
You’re my next sunrise and on the love I’ll await
A feeling overcomes me as we splash in the wind
When I hold you babe, the fires light becomes dimmed
We can always take the path to the free ways
In the clouds arms for now is at which we’ll lay
Comparing what we feel, to relate at where were complete
And at the end of our minds is at where our souls will meet
A smile will come upon my face as I begin to think of you
Only so perfect within my eyes and only true
And when you’re feelin’ cold babe, I’m here to keep you warm
With my you grasp, our new world will begin to form
Copyright ©
coaster
... [
2004-05-26 00:03:52] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Our Comfortable Surroundings
(User Rating: 1 ) by Cole on
Friday, 18th June 2004 @ 07:48:10 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is a beautiful poem, but I have one thing to say about it. You should always try to make your rhyme scheme the same. Your first stanza is AAAABBBBBB. Then your second stanza is CCDDEEFFGG. It should have been CCCCDDDDDD. That's my only complaint.
-Kholie-
P.S. - I'd apprecitiate it if you'd return my favor of critiquing one of your poems by critiquing one of my poems. |
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