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My Kindred Spirit
Contributed by
RavishingRoses14
on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:12:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
|
My Kindred Spirit
For the person who really knows me,
For the person who’s always there,
For the person who always listens,
Even when I’m in the depths of despair,
She tells me it’s okay to dream,
I can hitch my wagon to a star,
But if I fall on that long road called life,
I know she won’t be very far.
She’ll be with me in spirit,
Even if we’re miles apart,
’Cause even if I’m far away,
We’re kindred spirits at heart.
It’s you who’s my best friend,
It’s you I think the world of,
It’s so hard for me to say goodbye,
But I’ll say it filled with love.
Copyright ©
RavishingRoses14
... [
2004-05-24 20:12:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:22:31 PM AEST
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Nuthing wrong with. Very good writing.
I'm sure it will be cherished.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:22:46 PM AEST
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Nuthing wrong with. Very good writing.
I'm sure it will be cherished.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:25:39 PM AEST
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well done!!! what a wonderful friendship you must have!
well written, flows nice and gives off a feeling of such closeness. |
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cursed_Witch on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:28:02 PM AEST
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| good write... i have been in ur shoes and i know how hard it must be |
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 08:45:09 PM AEST
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How ironic... I just wrote a poem to my best friend as well and sought feedback on it because I'll be giving it to her shortly (she's far away too!). So I can absolutely appreciate the request for comments and your desire to get it "right" before giving it to her!
My only suggestion... would be to slightly change the following verse:
She tells me it’s okay to dream,
I can hitch my wagon to a star,
But if I fall on that long road called life,
I know she won’t be very far.
Maybe it's just my hang-up, but I hesitate to use "okay" in verse... it just seems kind of slangy I guess (which is alright - if the poem includes other slang or expressions- but this one doesn't). Also, the second and fourth lines seems a little short - so I'd suggest adding a word or two. Maybe something like this:
She tells me to dream unconditionally
Now I can hitch my wagon to a star
But if I fall on that long road called life,
I know for certain that she won't be far
I hope that helps! It is a lovely tribute - Please don't consider my suggestion to imply that it wasn't lovely to begin with... it certainly was. I'm certain she'll cherish it! Well done! |
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Re: My Kindred Spirit
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 09:29:32 PM AEST
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okay, because you asked; i agree with silent-no-more, and also would like to suggest, instead of:
For the person who really knows me,
For the person who’s always there,
For the person who always listens,
Even when I’m in the depths of despair,
~
For the person who really knows me,
For my dear friend who is always there,
For the special one who always listens,
Even when I’m in the depths of despair,
just a thought, i love your poem and i am sure your friend will too as you have it, but sometimes on the poems that are for someone special or have a time limit, the words seem to hang up and input is good, it is so beautiful you are giving her a poem:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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