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Break of Day
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Sunday, 23rd May 2004 @ 11:19:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
You are black and white
And I am the endless grey
I live, subconsciously, in fog
Until the veil is pulled away
I dance in the dark of night
You exist always in the day
You live, consciously, in sun
We have our different way
The dawn is lingering near
And truth comes here to stay
Dew shining wet like tears
We meet at the break of day
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-05-23 23:19:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 23rd May 2004 @ 11:53:20 PM AEST
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i love this, have read it three times, love it more each time, sooo beautiful:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 12:02:53 AM AEST
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lovely
michelle |
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elena on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 01:38:30 AM AEST
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| I like this. Poetry of and for a moment. E |
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 24th May 2004 @ 05:47:45 AM AEST
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Short & sweet. Wonderful write.
Lovewriter |
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by rhymeandreason on
Sunday, 18th July 2004 @ 04:38:06 AM AEST
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| This was pretty good. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be something not said that needs to be. Sort of like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it doesn't. I bet that if you revisit this one two or three times with a period of a week or more between each visit, and each time put down any additional intuitive feelings that might "bubble up" from this, feeling/place/memory/reflection area that I believe everybodies best examples of word expression come from or through. and then take these two or three sketches and see if A. there is a common thread that you can string together into a whole that might add some aspect missing. or, B. see if each, though different, might be "fleshed out into two or three additional aspects that were unexplored in this first endeavor. Maybe you will find more chapters in this story. Maybe you will find details that accentuate what you have already written. Maybe you will find that this piece is what it is and that's fine too. I have rhyme stories that are 15-20 years old that periodically, I am willing to "modify in some way. Either by adding or deleteing a word, line quatrain etc. I have a couple that I know are not nearly a finished work and after years the progress is minimal or not even that. Ouch! |
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Re: Break of Day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st May 2006 @ 03:53:18 PM AEST
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I love the ever present metaphor in this poem. Two people, together, yet never really seem to get together or get "it" together; except for a fleeing moment. At least thats my take on it. I think it's brilliant.
Thanks,
Timber |
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