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Dark Pool
Contributed by
Dierna
on
Sunday, 23rd May 2004 @ 09:35:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
SongLyrics
|
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder
You can't beat me
I'm the one you cannot defeat
So you'd better admit
Before we get in it.
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder
You're always there
Watching listening waiting
Leave me here
And end your serenading
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder
Save me! I cry
For here I am, waiting to die
End my sufferage
And bring about the end.
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder
End my terror! Bring the day
End this in the best possible way
Save me from this horrible demise
Let the sun once more rise
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder
Will someone save me
From this dark pool
Trying to bring me under
Save me!
And bvring the end
to the thunder.
Copyright ©
Dierna
... [
2004-05-23 21:35:36] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dark Pool
(User Rating: 1 ) by Cole on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 12:01:31 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Ok. I think, key word being think. I'm no profesional or anything. I think that you should try to limit how much you use the refrain or whatevery you want to call it. Chorus, maybe if these are lyrics. Maybe you could put two stanzas together and then do the refrain. It's just, reading the poem, you get tired of the refrain. Good work, though!
Since, I rated and critqued your poem, I'd appreciate it if you would do me the same favor. |
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