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Blue, Desperate and Longing
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 08:17:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Blue came back to me today
Touting a melancholy gloom
Without invitation she did arrive
And settled right in to my room
She brought Desperation with her
Oh! They’re quite the pair
Lying on my bed with them now
I notice Longing in the air
Blue, Desperate and Longing
Won’t you let me be alone?
For since you have come to call
The pain, the ache, has only grown.
I do not have the strength within
To fight against this team
I feel myself fall to their will
To the darker side I lean
Blue, though, I have news for you
Your plan has gone awry
For with Desperation and Longing
You three, seem inspiration for I
And Inspiration - he holds the key
To unlock the closet door
He unleashes the demons therein
And your power is no more!
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2004-05-21 08:17:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 08:40:36 AM AEST
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I thought this poem was really good, with an original twist on characterised emotion and your now familiar flowing cadence. However, I found the last stanza trailed off a little with 'unleashing', and 'demons', as (in my opinion) this kind of idea doesn't really fit in relation to dispelling the power of the Blues, et al. I thought it may work better if you had them locked IN the cupboard . . .
"And inspiration - he holds the key
For my lock in closet door
Where behind, he locks you three
To bother me no more!"
Just a rough suggestion. I'm not sure if you'd agree with me, but that's the way I see it - but anyway - it's a really good poem nontheless.
Thanks for sharing it.
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 08:47:46 AM AEST
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The blue's seem to creep in when one is least expecting them. I know the problem well
they come on a regular basis. Try to laugh them away. not easy but it works.
bernard. |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 08:52:45 AM AEST
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Neptune - Thanks for your comments and the suggestion. I'll need to think on it though--- as written the last verse makes perfect sense to me.... And that's probably JUST me - but....
I'll try to explain.... I'm one of those silly poets that writes mostly when feeling blue... A happy little poem about a tree or flower - not my style. So... when emotions come to pass (my old foes/friends Blue, etc.) --- I sort of wallow in them for a bit until inspiration strikes. Then... I write--- let the demons out --- and Blue and company go away. Call me mad... but it works for me.
I did change the last two lines right before I posted this.... so... maybe a revisit is in order. Maybe. Thanks again! I appreciate the feedback! |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 09:05:30 AM AEST
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Amen. A wonderful write and I'm sure a good catharsis for you.
Stitch |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by PRECIOUSBECKY on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 10:27:17 AM AEST
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| SO VERY IMPACTIVE- I LOVE IT - GREAT WRITING- YOU HAD ME ALL THE WAY THROUGH |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Friday, 21st May 2004 @ 02:24:01 PM AEST
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I love this...deep within we all hold that key to overcome blue, desperation and longing
Shari |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 01:09:46 AM AEST
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lol!!!! Damn but this is brilliant! I love how you've done this, very original and creative. I hope 'inspiration' sticks around for a good while longer yet, if just to keep the other three away.
Take Care
-Becca |
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 30th April 2006 @ 02:16:14 AM AEST
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OMG!!!! Snem, I love this one! The imagery, the metaphors, cleverness! Absolutely love it! I really don't think anything you do is "standard".
Thank you for a most enjoyable read.
Sincerely,
Timmbery
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Re: Blue, Desperate and Longing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 12th January 2009 @ 01:07:03 AM AEST
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Dammit, I think I hear them knocking at my door now.
listens
Yup, that'd be them and I don't think inspiration is any where around right now. Grrrr. |
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